The 2009 Brainies Awards

The 2009 Brainies: theunibrain's First Annual Boxing Day Awards for Excellence In Entertainment and Stuff.

Death of the year
Carolyn: Michael Jackson. I still can’t believe it’s happened and I still half-think that it’s yet another of his media manipulations and he’ll “return from the dead” for a Comeback Tour in 2015.
Scott: There can be no disagreement here.

But without tragedy we wouldn’t have had:
Carolyn: Corey Feldman of The Two Coreys fame arriving to Jacko’s memorial dressed as… Michael Jackson
Scott: Or Marlon Jackson coming out of hiding. Oh, and MJ's kids being unveiled. So THAT's what Blanket looks like without a blanket over him!

Reunion of the Year
Carolyn: Seinfeld cast on Curb Your Enthusiasm – sure, it made no sense when the episodes aired out of order in Australia but it was hells worth it just for the exchange between Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld about Christopher Walken. “I don’t know why he was on the boat.” Damn straight.
Scott: Andy Dick and sobriety.

Movie of the Year
Carolyn: The Hangover cos next week's no good for me... The Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that, it's totally fine.
Scott: Really the only movie I liked as much as The Hangover this year was Star Trek. Who ever would have seen that coming? Thanks JJ!

Worst Movie of the Year
Scott: In a year that brought us Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, Bride Wars, Land Of The Lost and The Lovely Bones, we were really spoiled for choice. But the winner has to be 2012; tired format, tired script, several decent actors totally slumming it. Paranormal Activity, meanwhile, was the least scary scary movie of all time. I fell asleep.
Carolyn: I saw Meg Ryan in The Women on DVD this year. Do not make the same mistake. However, the movie at the cinemas that made me the most angry was The Ugly Truth. Just a poor effort all round and that part with the hot air balloons? Are we even gonna pretend that wasn't green screen? I realise it's 2009 but how hard is it to take out a real hot air balloon and film it? Not very, I say. PS: 2012 was disaster-tastic and I didn't hate Bride Wars. Is that wrong?


Song The 'Brain CLEARLY made a huge hit (maybe): Sam Clark's "Broken". Well done Sam! Well done us! It's time to take another listen...




Australian star who would do well to get to America cos he's awesome: Sam Clark.

Stars we like the best who rhyme: Kylie and Miley

Stars we like the best who rhyme and who should thusly record a duet asap: Kylie and Miley.

Song of the Year
Carolyn: I want to give my vote to "3 Little Words" by Frankmusik but it was snatched out of his hands at the last minute by Lady Gaga’s "Bad Romance". Sorry Frankster.
Scott: I went to my iTunes play count for this answer. It was also Gaga! But very close runners-up are "Beat Again" by JLS, "Who Says" by John Mayer, "Break Your Heart" by Taio Cruz and "Battlefield" by Jordin Sparks.

TV Show of the Year
Carolyn: I want it to be Glee but to be honest if it wasn’t for Jane Lynch, I wouldn’t still be watching. I hand my award to The Big Bang Theory (I heart Sheldon!) and give honourable mentions to Modern Family, Cougartown and Parks & Recreation.
Scott: It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Could not agree more with honourable mentions. Additional honourable mentions: 30 Rock, My Life On The D-List, The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty.

Far more entertaining off TV than on:
Scott: Home and Away. Oh my.
Carolyn: Two And A Half Men... his arrest is just unfolding but hey, it's Charlie Sheen and it's just GOT TO be more entertaining than on TV.

Best drunken TV host: Karl Stefanovic. His post-Logies hosting of the Today show was utter gold. He should be drunk EVERY DAY! And then come drinking with us.


Richard Wilkins Award for poor research: Richard Wilkins. On Today on the morning of Michael Jackson's death, Dicky reported an internet rumour about Jeff Goldblum dying as fact. Oops.

Award for franchise about vampires that we saw coming a mile off but it still exceeded belief: Twilight.

Couple who are clearly a couple but deny it: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. They are soooooooooo together. Totes.

Worst celebrity couple of 2009
Scott: Rihanna and Chris Brown
Carolyn: I hate everything about Katy Perry and Russell Brand and I can’t even tell you why. Oh hang on, yes I can: because they’re gawdawful!

Taylor of the Year
Carolyn: Swift.
Scott: Roger. (HA!)

Tweeter of the Year
Scott: John Mayer (I think I mean this)
Carolyn: Lindsay Lohan because she’s meltdown-tastic (and because Scott stole John Mayer and I don’t want this list to be too samey)

Worst Tweeter of the Year
Scott: It can only be Diddy. (I have to forgive Spencer Pratt because he unexpectedly started following me - his single redeeming feature!)
Carolyn: I agree. I have deleted Diddy for that very reason... but still his never-ending Tweets continue to appear. How? Damn you, Diddy! I also got rid of Anderson Cooper? Gone. So, let this be a warning to you, warbling Aaron Carter, you're the next to go...
Scott: I totally ditched AC (Aaron Carter, that is)!

Tweet of the Year
Carolyn: @greggrunberg: I don't understand Ashton when he Tweets in English, let alone in French.
Scott: @sarahksilverman: What a fun day! Today was the best anniversary of my family's murder EVER!

Person who has re-conquered TV and has to release some awesome new music now please: Dannii Minogue. (Having Beven, Mark, Vince and Nelson in the video is optional)

Compelling Sports Story of the Year
Carolyn: Tiger Woods delivered EVERYTHING to non-sports fans around the world. Scratches on his face? A car accident IN his driveway? His wife hovering over him wielding a golf club? A mistress in every port? TICK! TICK! TICK! aaaaand TICK!
Scott: Agreed! Although Brendan Fevola and Wayne Carey continue to impress with their efforts.

Insincere Apology of the Year
Carolyn: Chris Brown’s YouTube plea following his bashing of Rihanna. Are you kidding me, dude?
Scott: Daryl Somers after the Hey! Hey! blackface debacle. "I'm sorry IF any people were offended ... blah blah self-promotion, great ratings, Harry Connick Jr loves me, blah, blah"

Unexpected Surprise of the Year:
Carolyn: I cried in Up! but please don’t tell anybody.
Scott: I didn't become a millionaire.

The 2009 Awesomest person on the Planet Award: Alyssa Milano. The 'Brain agree that Twitter has been a revolution if for no other reason than it has put us back in touch with our childhood pal (hey, pals can live in the television, so back off!) and this year selfless Alyssa - star of such faves as Who's The Boss?, Melrose Place, Charmed and the Sheer Cover infomercials - has devoted herself to teaching newbies how the social networking site works. As a reward, we're hoping her new mid-season show Romantically Challenged - which incidentally stars The 'Brain's bestest pal Josh Lawson - is a huge hit. Sadly that will give her less time to Tweet. Sigh. Still, congrats on a fab 2009 from everybody at The 'Brain, Miss 'Lyss!


--
Carolyn Stewart & Scott Keenan,
I want your ugly, I want your disease o'clock, December 26, 2009

Neighbours star Sam Clark’s new video

Sam sings!
(Insert Ringo joke here)
Hello readers!
Sorry to interrupt the steady flow of Michael Jackson news. Please do not panic, there is plenty more of that to come.
But today we have been presented with a moment that doesn’t happen every day (it should happen at least every month, but sadly, doesn’t) and therefore deserves our full attention; it’s the release of a brand new song by a Neighbours star!
The ‘Brain makes no secret of finding Neighbours pop approximately the best sub-genre of pop ever, so today truly is a momentous occasion.
So thank you Sam Clark (that’s Ringo Brown to Ramsay Street residents) for making our day!
Sam has been working on his music and gigging around the place with his band The Keepers (so rock) for some time now, developing his “chops” (or something).
(We were quite partial to his whoa-oh filled song “Give Me Your Heart”. You can hear more of Sam's music on his MySpace)
Now he’s finally decided to release a single, the rock/pop ditty “Broken”, and he’s even gone and made a video for it!
And what a treat it is.
We must admit we’re not entirely across what Sam Clark is calling himself these days. At first “Broken” was to be released by “Sam Clark & The Keepers” (How Johnny Diesel & The Injectors of him), but then Sam sent out a message saying The Keepers facebook page was being deleted to make way for the “Sam J Clark” page. But the video seems to be credited to plain old Sam Clark. What happened to The Keepers? Where is the J? These are mysteries for us to further explore, readers.

For now, we should behold this amazing video, which follows the brilliant tradition of male Neighbours stars doing their videos in the bush and driving old cars. Jason Donovan did it in “Too Many Broken Hearts”, Craig McLachlan (and Check 1-2) did it in “Mona”. But Jase and Craig had utes. Sam has mixed it up by not having a ute. Plus he has taken the unprecedented step of having an actoring bit at the start of the video. This is a brilliant move which shows off his actoring chops and which previously only Kylie dared do!*

"I'm actoring now. See? Angry. On The Phone."

The forest bits also call to mind Delta’s “I Don’t Care” video, except Delta didn’t wear guyliner (she should have). Or have a band. And then he’s at a piano! Just like Delta.

There are also great “behind-the-scenes” bits, in which Sam is still in character from his previous actoring work and is very angry indeed at some sheila what appears to have hurt his feelings quite a lot. The she-devil!

"Hello, I'll be playing your imaginary love interest today."

Other things which deserve your special attention:
* Product has been added to Sam’s mini-mullet so that it sticks out at the back. It’s what ALL the kids are doing.
* Amazing lyrics: So I’ll get drunk/Be a punk/Tell a lie/Just to find myself ‘til I’m numb (or at least I think he’s saying “find”)
* In the bedroom scene (ooh-err!) there are two girls - one imaginary and one possibly a hooker. (Well, she has a hooker wig on)
* The moody house bit of the video features a candelabra. A brave move that Meatloaf would be proud of.
* The performance bit of the video features a smoke machine. There are not enough smoke machines – especially outdoor smoke machines! – in videos and it seems Sam and Jordin Sparks are determined to rectify this. Bless.
* The rather-very-attractive love interest lady appears to be all in Sam’s mind. Which makes Sam - post getting drunk, being a punk and telling lies - sad. :(
What? You want to watch it already? Oh, fine.

Sam Clark "Broken" Colour Grade from nicebike on Vimeo.

What a tops effort, Mr Clark. Hopefully your next video can continue this amazing storyline with more actoring!

Scott Keenan
Is Ian Smith’s single “I’m Not A Pop Star” ever being released? O’clock
* Ten points if you remembered Kylie’s actoring work in “Je Ne Sais Pas Pourqui” and a bonus 20 points if you recalled “It’s No Secret”, which included tea-towel-as-a-weapon actoring.