FROM THE VAULT: Neighbours The Musical (Or something) Youtube really is one of the best inventions ever, readers. Every now and then I will think of a song or movie or TV show from my childhood and low-and-behold it will usually be on there.
Today it suddenly struck me that I really needed to see the cast of Neighbours at the Royal Variety Performance in 1988. I'd never seen it before, but as a Neighbours tragic even in my single digited days I knew all about it and even had one of those dodgy UK-made poster mags featuring pap shots of the cast from the event.
For those who don't know the "Performance" - which used to be called "The Royal Command Performance" - is where the British Royal Family "command" their favourite minions to entertain them for the evening. Very progressive.
In 1988 Neighbours was the second top rating show in the UK, and so the Royals decreed that some chosen colonials should be shipped back to the "mother country" to supply some colour and movement on stage. Anyway, finally I have seen it, and it is every bit as tragic as I had been lead to believe (the script, Neighbours producers were keen to point out, was written by folk from the BBC).
While it was billed as the "whole cast", Jason Donovan and Guy Pearce are notably absent as are Vivian Grey (Mrs Mangel) and the mentioned-a-lot-for-some-reason Ernie Bourne (Rob Lewis). Kylie Minogue was too cool - yawn - to perform with the cast at this stage (and had actually left the show but was still on screen in the UK) and instead introduced them.
In a back-from-the-dead moment Elaine Smith, whose character Daphne had died by this stage in Oz, was reunited with daggy hubby Des (played by Paul Keane) on stage.
Current (younger) viewers will probably only recognise Stefan Dennis (Paul Robinson) and Harold Bishop (played by Ian Smith) (and possibly Fiona Corke, who was Paul's long-suffering second wife Gail, mother of Elle).
Watch it already! (And listen out for the dodgy notes as the cast sing the theme song - methinks there may have been hidden professional singers helping them out)
Scott Keenan These Neighbours really were my friends - even if they didn't know it - o'clock
Holly's a superstar! Well, that's what it says here...After mixed success actoring her way through guest roles on American TV shows (we loved her best as the dead body in CSI: Miami), one-time Neighbours vixen Holly Valance has allegedly decided to return to her side career: popstar. In 2002 she topped the charts in Australia and the UK with "Kiss Kiss" (you remember, the one with her in the nuddy in the video) only to dump the whole thing after her second (actually rather good) album flopped, labelling music "boring". According to The Daily Mail she's apparently had a change of heart with news that she is set to release a new EP titled Superstar (ahem), featuring the leaked track of the same name. She first dipped her toe back into the music scene with a role in the video for Frankmusik's awesome "Confusion Girl". The two apprently dated, but have already split according to the wacky-haired musik man.
Hol and Frank: In Happier times.
"One minute she'd be all into me, the next she wouldn't even hold my hand," pipped Frank* recently. "Then she sent me an e-mail saying, 'I really hope you're with other girls now and you're moving on. I hope you're really happy because I'm really happy'. I've deleted her off Facebook." He's also withdrawn his offer to produce some songs for her. Oops. So is Holly poised to take over the world of pop once again? And how many seconds will it last this time? To be completely honest The 'Brain has had a mixed history with Ms. Holly Valance. She is one of those "refreshingly honest" types who can either be perfect lovely or decidedly not depending on the occasion. But y'all know what suckers we are for Neighbours pop. Ch-ch-check it out!
Scott Keenan It's just a state of mind o'clock
*FrankMusik's debut album Complete Me is out this week and is awesome - so do yourself a favour!
Sam sings! (Insert Ringo joke here) Hello readers! Sorry to interrupt the steady flow of Michael Jackson news. Please do not panic, there is plenty more of that to come. But today we have been presented with a moment that doesn’t happen every day (it should happen at least every month, but sadly, doesn’t) and therefore deserves our full attention; it’s the release of a brand new song by a Neighbours star! The ‘Brain makes no secret of finding Neighbours pop approximately the best sub-genre of pop ever, so today truly is a momentous occasion. So thank you Sam Clark (that’s Ringo Brown to Ramsay Street residents) for making our day! Sam has been working on his music and gigging around the place with his band The Keepers (so rock) for some time now, developing his “chops” (or something). (We were quite partial to his whoa-oh filled song “Give Me Your Heart”. You can hear more of Sam's music on his MySpace) Now he’s finally decided to release a single, the rock/pop ditty “Broken”, and he’s even gone and made a video for it! And what a treat it is. We must admit we’re not entirely across what Sam Clark is calling himself these days. At first “Broken” was to be released by “Sam Clark & The Keepers” (How Johnny Diesel & The Injectors of him), but then Sam sent out a message saying The Keepers facebook page was being deleted to make way for the “Sam J Clark” page. But the video seems to be credited to plain old Sam Clark. What happened to The Keepers? Where is the J? These are mysteries for us to further explore, readers.
For now, we should behold this amazing video, which follows the brilliant tradition of male Neighbours stars doing their videos in the bush and driving old cars. Jason Donovan did it in “Too Many Broken Hearts”, Craig McLachlan (and Check 1-2) did it in “Mona”. But Jase and Craig had utes. Sam has mixed it up by not having a ute. Plus he has taken the unprecedented step of having an actoring bit at the start of the video. This is a brilliant move which shows off his actoring chops and which previously only Kylie dared do!*
"I'm actoring now. See? Angry. On The Phone."
The forest bits also call to mind Delta’s “I Don’t Care” video, except Delta didn’t wear guyliner (she should have). Or have a band. And then he’s at a piano! Just like Delta.
There are also great “behind-the-scenes” bits, in which Sam is still in character from his previous actoring work and is very angry indeed at some sheila what appears to have hurt his feelings quite a lot. The she-devil!
"Hello, I'll be playing your imaginary love interest today."
Other things which deserve your special attention: * Product has been added to Sam’s mini-mullet so that it sticks out at the back. It’s what ALL the kids are doing. * Amazing lyrics: So I’ll get drunk/Be a punk/Tell a lie/Just to find myself ‘til I’m numb (or at least I think he’s saying “find”) * In the bedroom scene (ooh-err!) there are two girls - one imaginary and one possibly a hooker. (Well, she has a hooker wig on) * The moody house bit of the video features a candelabra. A brave move that Meatloaf would be proud of. * The performance bit of the video features a smoke machine. There are not enough smoke machines – especially outdoor smoke machines! – in videos and it seems Sam and Jordin Sparks are determined to rectify this. Bless. * The rather-very-attractive love interest lady appears to be all in Sam’s mind. Which makes Sam - post getting drunk, being a punk and telling lies - sad. :( What? You want to watch it already? Oh, fine.
What a tops effort, Mr Clark. Hopefully your next video can continue this amazing storyline with more actoring!
Scott Keenan Is Ian Smith’s single “I’m Not A Pop Star” ever being released? O’clock * Ten points if you remembered Kylie’s actoring work in “Je Ne Sais Pas Pourqui” and a bonus 20 points if you recalled “It’s No Secret”, which included tea-towel-as-a-weapon actoring.
A scheduled interruption to your Michael Jackson updates
Remember Bree Timmins? The loveable nerdy (and sometimes gothy) daughter of the bogan Timmins family on Neighbours?
Goth Bree!
Well Sianoa Smit-McPhee who played her has left Ramsay Street far behind for life in LA. She’s all growed up (sorta) and is now starring in HBO’s new series Hung, playing sulky teenager Darba Drecker (so nothing like Bree, then).
Sianoa with Anne Heche and Charlie Saxton
Darba is the daughter of Thomas Jane’s Ray Drecker, a down-on-his-luck high school basketball coach who becomes a gigolo. But of course. Playing Sianoa’s mother is none other than Anne Heche.
Who woulda thunk it?
The Timmins-es
Sianoa’s brother Kodi is also making inroads in Hollywood, having shot The Road alongside Viggo Mortensen.
It is safe to say that of all the “celebrities” I have met, quite a few have hated me. Possibly none more than Holly Valance. And for once I’m pretty sure I didn’t bring it on myself. (Although I probably can’t blame her for not being thrilled to see me when I turned up at her court case against her former manager/Brad Willis off Neighbours, Scott Michaelson) Anywho, after playing dead bodies in CSI: Miami and such, Holly has turned up in the video for kooky UK electro chappy FrankMusik new single “Confusion Girl”. It must be said that is my favourite song of the moment and I have been smashing it on the old iPod. The song already appeared on his Frankisum EP, but the clever man has gone and made it even better! His hair? Not so much. Frank is sort of like Howard Jones meets Calvin Harris. Which is to say: VERY VERY GOOD.
Who is this grosser for?
That said, I have no idea WHAT Holly is doing in the video or why they couldn’t spring for some conditioner for her hair. Is she supposed to have been out clubbing all night and walking home because she spent her taxi money on gak? Scott Keenan Kiss Kiss O’clock
We’ve already ranted about the merits of our pal Chris Hemsworth here at The ‘Brain, and now it is his soon-to-be-superstar little bro Liam’s turn. Best known for his recurring role as Josh Taylor on Neighbours, this year Liam made the move to the US and within seconds (approx.) was getting noticed – much like Chris did. Already he is set to star alongside Sly Stallone after impressing the sequel-loving star, but right now he is about to head to Savannah, Georgia to start shooting teen romance The Last Song with Miley Cyrus.
Miley Cyrus: Chris has to work out how to kiss those teeth
And Miley can’t hide her delight. “I got a hot boy,” Miley drooled on the MTV Movie Awards red carpet. “I can't say that too many times, but he is attractive. Not bad to look at for the summer.” Written by The Notebook and A Walk To Remember author Nicholas Sparks, the film, in which Miley plays a rebellious teen who moves in with her estranged dad, is likely to have plenty of kissy-kissy type scenes. Although Miley is keeping schtum on that. “Maybe,” she pips. “I don't know.” Of course she does.
This only leaves eldest Hemsworth brother Luke, also an actor, to land a big fillum role.
The Hemsworths: Luke, Chris, Liam [Pic: News Limited]
Seriously, they’re like the new Daddos – but successful!
Scott Keenan Clearly next to land surprise Hollywood role o'clock
The new Ramsays are a joke A note before I begin: when it comes to Neighbours, I am a bit of a mental. After years of absence there are once again Ramsays in Ramsay Street. One of the show’s original families, and with awesome family members such as Madge, Charlene, Henry, Shane and Gemma, the Ramsays have not been seen since Henry moved to New Zealand and Gemma wandered off (by which time Madge was a Bishop). I should be over-joyed. I should be. But the minute I heard this new development a few months ago, I was horrified. The new Ramsay, you see, is Jill, the never-before-mentioned secret daughter of original character Max Ramsay and Anne Robinson, Paul’s mother, who died before the show began. Considering the family history, this is patently stupid. Between Max and his wife Maria and Anne and her husband Jim, the ’60s and ’70s must have been pretty much a non-stop orgy. When they weren’t in the delivery room, that is. You see, early on Max discovered his son Danny was the product of an affair Maria had, and a few years after that Jim found out he had sired secret son Glenn during the Vietnam war. Years after this Julie, Jim and Anne’s eldest daughter, discovered Jim wasn’t her dad and Anne had had an affair too. Meanwhile, Max and Anne also had an affair? NOT GOOD ENOUGH NEIGHBOURS.
Stefan Dennis can do no wrong
I am all for bringing back Ramsays, but to say this is stretching the friendship is putting it mildly. Rather than bring in, say, Shane or Henry Ramsay’s kids they have instead created an all-new mystery character and, to add insult to injury, she lasted ONE EPISODE before she was KILLED in a hit-and-run car accident. In fact her ONLY SCENE was seen in flashback! I’M FURIOUS. They create a new “legacy” character and THEN they completely rob us of the chance to get to know her? And why, if Maria and Jim knew nothing of Jill – which they clearly didn’t, because it would have come in handy in a few arguments – and she was adopted, did she have the Ramsay name? So now Jill is out of the picture, her three orphaned kids are set to move into Ramsay Street and get to know Uncle Paul. Mercifully, and this is the only plus so far, they seem to have hired good actors in the roles. But this whole incident has just exemplified all my complaints withNeighboursover the last few years. Namely, a blatant disregard for viewers and inability to handle storylines in a dramatic fashion. This is not to say Neighbours has jumped the shark – or at least I believe it can recover. After people pay some attention to what the hell they are doing. Neighbours used to rely quite heavily on humour – who could forget the magic of Joe Mangel or Clive Gibbons or Henry Ramsay or Melanie Pearson? – as well as the odd bit off heavy drama - like when Terri killed herself or Harold tried to choke Paul. Now sadly, they are doing what the producers insist are “character driven storylines”. I know the idea was to get away from melodrama, but unfortunately they seem to have gotten rid of the drama too. And “character driven storylines” doesn’t cover what was one of the most embarrassing moments in Neighbours history when last year’s season finale culminated in a rowing accident in which “rapids” upturned a canoe in calm water. Seriously, they didn’t even try to frame the (very very still) water out.
HELP! It's the killer Erinsborough rapids!!! (Yes, this is an ACTUAL SHOT from the show)
There was a time, not so long ago, when Neighbours was back on track, shortly after Paul Robinson returned and almost broke up Lil and David’s marriage and may-or-may-not-but-did kill someone in the Lassiter’s fire, and Izzy was having an affair with Karl and I couldn’t wait to watch every single night. But then in came new producers and out went anything interesting. 2007 brought a much-hyped “re-invention”, with promises of better storylines and soundtrack, heaps modern shooting styles and an upgrade to HD. The “reinvention” we were promised should now officially be recognized as a failure. The Parkers (or at very least the parents) must rank as the most boring Neighbours family since the Alessis. The storylines have gotten as dull as dishwater. Rather than the light and shade of the old days, everything now seems to be beige. Says the show's Executive Producer Susan Bower in an interview with Neighbours site The Perfect Blend, “I believe the teens' dialogue and storylines are more age appropriate and that the structure of each episode has more flow – like a movie. This helps the audience attach emotionally. Stories come from character rather than that being imposed on the character.” No. The teens are boring. They walk from one room to the next looking sullen. And while I will admit this is what real teenagers mainly do, I will not accept that it is even vaguely interesting television. The teen pregnancy story has been underplayed in a way that may be more realistic, but is also mind-numbing, while the Zeke storylines – him running away and having amnesia and then becoming a secret radio DJ on an internet pirate station that somehow everyone in Erinsborough listened to at all times – have been pathetic so as to be an embarrassment. Poor Matthew Werkmeister. Oh and get this: “The use of split-screens and music have helped modernise the show as well.”
Um, “modernise” with “split-screens”? That may be modern if it were the ’60s, but as we aren’t actually in the ’60s, are always cringe-worthy and take the viewer out of the moment (while they are trying to stifle embarrassed laughter). Neighbours ain’t a Tarantino movie, nor is it a Rock Hudson/Doris Day romcom. Split-screen has no place on Ramsay Street!
Now, thanks to Ten creating One HD, we can’t even get Neighbours in HD. Another fail!
At least they got rid of that bloody “One Good Reason” song they played in the coffee shop for an entire decade.
Good Neighbours: James Sorensen, Jane Hall and Ryan Maloney
Now, I don’t know Susan, and I could be completely wrong, but from reading this interview it seems to me that she had no real love for the show before she joined. She was a writer for the show in the '90s but then, worryingly, worked on season one of Sea Patrol and the only season of Canal Road. That's right, officially two of the most boring local shows of all time. Her tone reads of someone who is a little bit defensive and not very passionate. This upsets me, because Neighbours is actually a big part of my life and should be handled by somebody who cares for the characters and also has an interest in entertaining the show’s fans, and, of course, attracting new ones. The thing is, for the most part, I think the show has a fantastic cast. I like these characters. It's just they don't get to do anything interesting and no respect is paid to their pasts or futures (as we will discover further when a ridiculous death screens soon). A case in point; I have no idea what is going on with Tom Oliver, who plays Lou Carpenter, but Susan has obviously been watching another show. “Tom’s character has been given heaps of stories since Harold left. And there’s more to come,” she chirrups. How many is heaps? Because I can’t think of one. You mean when he stepped in dog poo out the front of Karl’s house?
Dear Freemantle, You make heaps of money from Neighbours, please fix it. When hiring, why not look for staff who have watched the show before? Ask them, for instance, if they know who Madge is, and if they give you a blank look and drivel about trying to make the show “more realistic” then it’s time to show them the door. Love Scott
Coming next time: My two cents on Home and Away, suddenly the most depressing show on TV
Aqua is back(ua)Hot on the heels of the LFO reunion, Danish popsters Aqua (who could forget the eternally annoying “Barbie Girl” or secretly a bit good “Doctor Jones”?) have reformed to record some new tracks for a forthcoming greatest hits album. The first single, “Back To The ’80s” is damn catchy. That said, it has what are possibly the WORST LYRICS EVER (When boys wore skinny leather ties / Like Don Johnson from Miami Vice / When M&M was just a snack / And Michael Jackson's skin was black / Back when the coolest thing in store / Was a Commodore 64) and reed-thin vocals from singer Lene Nystrøm. So no change there, then. The group say they are just doing the handful of new tracks for the greatest hits and then calling it a day. Which is what you say so you don’t look stupid if nobody cares. Let’s be honest, not many outside Denmark are likely to. As far as novelty acts go, Aqua squeezed out more hits than most - their performance in 1997 in the Aquashell (no, really) in Sydney’s Darling Harbour even saw (allegedly) 200,000 people turn up. As a follow up to their string of cheesy numbers they even went all serious with a hit ballad, “Turn Back Time”, as featured on the Sliding Doors soundtrack. And then, in 2000, they came back with “Cartoon Heroes” and nobody cared any more. Their return appearance at the Aquashell heralded an audience of approximately four people. I interviewed Lene on that trip and it is fair to say she hated me. It might be because I asked her about Brian McFadden (who she briefly dated). My bad!
Welcome to the OC, bitch...Rachel Bilson is a journalist!
Wanted a job working in magazines. Went to uni. Got a degree. What a fool I was! Turns out I went about my career aspirations all the wrong way. Apparently the surefire way to skyrocket yourself into my dream job on US InStyle magazine is to become an out-of-work actress from a former not-very-popular teen soap.
Yes, Rachel Bilson (who?), who played Summer Roberts (is that really a character's name?) on The OC (was that show only on for one season?), has been appointed fashion editor of InStyle magazine. She only has to write a column once a month to earn the title and it will likely be ghost-written but still.... sigh. I guess, on the plus side, it will stop her from making horrible movies for a while. But is this really the way of the future? What next? Leighton Meester knocking out copy for Forbes or Demi Lovato: editor-at-large of The New Yorker? Rachel says no.
"I am not planning on quitting my day job to be a full-time fashion editor, although I am really enjoying it and it intrigues me very much," says Rachel. "I'm actually flattered more than anything that people want to ask me questions about style. I am honored to do it."
"I can talk about fashion all day long, and I am an avid InStyle reader so the relationship seemed perfect! This column is the best homework assignment ever!" she adds.
Not quitting your day job? And what exactly does that currently involve, unemployed Rach? Acting like you're engaged to Gayden Christensen? Actually, that *would* be a full-time job. Plus, I bet all the other fashion editors in magazine land are thrilled with the way you scored this role and also a tad insulted that you refer to their jobs as a little bit of "homework".
OK, fine, Rachel is very stylish and I am a fan of hers. I also know there were exactly four seasons of The OC. I even know her character's pet rabbit was named Pancakes. I'm just jealous. If you wish to ask Rachel a question about fashion that she may answer in her column, you can do so here: CLICK on ME!
That's when good Neighbours become good friends...
It seems my cohort SK hung out with some celebs recently. Whatever, man. Sure, at first I thought this was a personal slight but over time (ie. the weekend) I decided to view it more as a challenge. Here is my response:I could be wrong but surely a Harold Bishop trumps a Sea Patrol/Kenny combo?
Follow MyFriend...
Matthew Perry joins Twitter!
I've always been a Matthew Perry follower but now it's official. In exciting news, the former Friends star and current 17 Again funny guy now has an account on Twitter. He's inadvisedly using his middle name (Langford) to identify himself but at least he's on there, right? Check him out here: (CLICK ON ME!)
Carolyn Stewart I've gotta stop writing during Underbelly cos I think it makes me aggressive o'clock, April 27, 2009
The Five Most Bizarre Things That Happened In The Last 24 Hours
1. André Rieu appeared on Neighbours The most famous boring person in the world arrived by limo to Ramsay Street tonight and played his violin for Paul and Rebecca. The whole premise was gloriously ridiculous, which I am whole-heartedly for. However, it's just a shame the guest star wasn't someone fun. Meanwhile, I maintain that "André Rieu" is actually Bruce Willis in a wig. Look at the facts: Bruce hasn't worked (in anything worth watching) in recent years. "André's" career has skyrocketed in recent years. Bruce always harps on about loving jazz music but was upset his albums didn't do that well. "André" realises money can't be made off jazz and that the people really want violins. Bruce was born in Germany. "André" can speak German. Bruce is... secretly "André". Think about it. 2. Chris Brown pleaded not guilty Despite being charged with two felonies for the alleged assault on Rihanna, Chris Brown appeared in court today and actually pleaded "not guilty, your honor." Seriously? We all saw those pictures, right? The fact that Chris himself admitted he was "sorry and saddened" by the incident about a week after it happened doesn't seem to have come up. Unbelievable.
3. Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady's shotgun wedding. As the good-looking pair - he's totally better looking than she is but I digress - exchanged vows in Costa Rica, one of Gisele's bodyguards fired gunshots - GUNSHOTS! - at the paparazzi eager to get a snap of the proceedings. “At that moment, I thought was going to die,” says shot-at photographer Rolando Aviles “The bullet went between us, missing our heads. If the bullet had been a little more to the left or right, it would have killed one of us.” It's dreadful but... I. Love. It. Is that wrong?
4. Wolverine-er Hugh Jackman joined Twitter I know this is a thing of chocolatey-goodness but it's kinda weird when famous people of employ join. I mean, how will poor Hugh Jackman compete with the inane twittering madness of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's 50,000 tweets a day? Anyway, if you wanna find him, tweet on over to: Twitter.com/RealHughJackman. Sample tweet so far: "Great day catching up with family." Yawn. Time to step it up, scissor hands.
5. DJ is all growned up. Candace Cameron Bure - that's DJ Tanner of Full House fame to you - is 33 today. The sister of Growing Pain's pin-up Kirk's birthday is April 6 so, in the US, she's partying right now. THIRTY THREE. Cut.. It.. Out! These days, CCB is married, a mother of three and writes a monthly column for Christian Women Online [CLICK ON ME!]. In happier news, she's thankfully returning to TV in the upcoming Perfect 10 about a group of teen hopefuls as they train for the Olympics. Does that sound a bit too much like like the old Aussie Heath Ledger/Martin Henderson show Sweat? Yes, it does. She plays the "step-mom" of someone. Still, whatever it takes to get her back on TV is fine with me. Happy birthday, CCB!
Youtube really is one of the best inventions ever, readers. Every now and then I will think of a song or movie or TV show from my childhood and low-and-behold it will usually be on there.
Anyway, finally I have seen it, and it is every bit as tragic as I had been lead to believe (the script, Neighbours producers were keen to point out, was written by folk from the BBC).
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