REVIEW Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

More than meets the eye?*

*Actually, not so much

What is it? It's the sequel to the 2007 movie that saw human Sam (Shia LaBeouf) caught up in a war between good guy Autobots and bad guy Decepticons. I fully admit I am not the target audience for this movie but I do heart Shia, I did suffer through the first movie and I did enjoy the cartoon a fair bit when I was a kid... so I was hoping to be impressed.

Were you impressed? No. No, I wasn't. Unfortunately this movie is in need of some serious editing. On top of being 147 minutes long, there are far too many clunky, stupid catch-phrases and about four billion lead characters with long, boring stories to tell when all I really care about is Sam and Mikaela (Megan Fox).

Most common question you will ask yourself throughout: What the hell???

Do you have any questions for Michael Bay? Yes. Yes, I do. They are as follows:
* When Sam's roommate Leo is in the car, he gets tasered. Now, earlier in the movie said-tasering had rendered him unable to move for quite some time... yet this time it happened, the very next scene sees him leap (LEAP!) out of the car and run. HOW? What the hell?
* The gangsta twin robots were absolutely unnecessary and are the worst characters seen on film since Jar Jar Binks. I'm not joking. What were you thinking? What the hell?
* What happened to Megan Fox's pet robot that was the focus of the movie and then was never seen again? What the hell?
* In the near-the-end chase, why doesn't all-of-a-sudden-indestructible Bumblebee *DRIVE* them to Josh Duhamel and the army folks??? Why are they helplessly running along - while under attack, mind - with this giant robot next to them who is killing everything in their path when they could be INSIDE the car??? What the hell, man?
* On that note, why ruin Shia and Megan Fox fleeing the Decepticons - the only suspense in the whole damn thing - by cutting in a four hour unnecessary truck fight in a pit? What the hell?

Are there any good bits? There are a few good one-liners and intentional laughs. The fight scenes and bomb blasts are generally quite amazing. The robots are awesome. It's a really great cast that includes the obvious as well as The Office star Rainn Wilson and former Home and Away hottie Isabel Lucas. I certainly liked how there was the poster of another Michael Bay film, Bad Boys, on the dorm room wall. Also, my absolute favourite part is how they wrote in Shia's real-life hand injury. Clever. Myself and my movie buddy Gavin both snickered at that. Others did not. I feel for them.

Were you proud of your star-spotting ability? I really was, thank you so much for asking. I almost squealed with excitement when, after a good 60 seconds of trying to work out who he was, I finally placed Coronation Street actor/singer Matthew Marsden as Josh Duhamel's army-buddy mate Graham. I honestly don't think I've thought of him for the better part of 10 years but perhaps you recall his kinda-hit "The Heart's Lone Desire" or that other song "She's Gone", for which his backing singers were a little then four-piece band called Destiny's Child. Oh, how times change. Sigh, MM, it was nice to see you again.

You're officially on a tangent now, aren't you? Yes... sorry but now we have to watch the MM videos I just found:

FROM THE VAULT VIDEO: "The Heart's Lone Desire"

FROM THE VAULT VIDEO: "She's Gone"

Can we talk about the movie again now? If we must...

Is Shia a bonafide movie star? Yes. Yes, he is.

Then I should I see it? Nuh. The action is all well and good but, if you're not a fan, I can guarantee you won't get past the first 20 minutes. However, I can certainly understand why fans would desperately want to see it. Like, I never cared about Doctor Who (pre Christopher Eccleston and David Tennant) or Star Trek so, with any new incarnation, I don't really care what they do with the mythology. However, when it comes to Star Wars or Buffy, it matters. If you mess with those worlds without any regard to the past, you mess with me. If you feel that way about Transformers, then enduring the two live-action movies will do nothing but hurt you to the very core. Still, if you still insist on seeing it, wait til it's on DVD so you can fast forward a great bulk of it. Important note for any future DVD screenings: any scene with Sam's parents is guaranteed to go for 10 minutes and can be instantly skipped without any impact on the "plot". But really, it's so long... so very long. At times during the movie, you will honestly feel you may never see your friends and family again. Don't. Do. It. To. Yourself.


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Carolyn Stewart
The heart's lone desire is to love someone o'clock, June 18, 2009

Chris Hemsworth is Thor...

Thor is chosen: And it's Hemmo!

Chris Pine who?

Former Home and Away hottie Chris Hemsworth is cashing in on his newfound Star Trek fame by signing on to play thunder god Thor in the Marvel Studios live-action film due for release in May, 2011.

It wasn't a smooth ride into the probable-franchise for the deep-voiced 25-year-old Aussie either. Believe it or not, he was turned away from the audition process early on, but was then given a second chance to read for the part. Meanwhile, True Blood’s Alexander Skarsgård was the hot tip to get the role but then word spread that James Bond-er Daniel Craig (who I personally don't care for) actually had the role and turned it down. Fortunately sense prevailed and director Kenneth Branagh and Marvel Studios chief Kevin Feige finally put their money on Chris. Oh well, their initial indecision was clearly Hemmo's gain in the end.

This role is the latest in a string of major league roles for Chris as he continues to dazzle Hollywood with... well, it's simple math: he's hot. CH is currently filming Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard’s Cabin in the Woods and has also just been cast as the lead in the upcoming Red Dawn remake. Scoring Thor will also mean he'll be playing with all the other Marvel big boys in The Avengers in 2012. WOOT!

Not bad for a kid from Melbourne who relatively recently checked out of Australia's version of Dancing With The Stars, hey?


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From The Vault

This is *the* funniest video I've seen in a long, long time. It took me a while to find this 10-year-old clip of a Rebecca Gibney and Richard Wilkins skit but it was totally worth it. You gotta watch it... so click on the pic NOW!


Rebecca Gibney roasts Richard Wilkins

HA! I just love when she opens the folder in front of his face. Oh, good times. I also like how Richard seems to think he's in on the joke. Bless.

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Carolyn Stewart
I'm about to watch Eurovision o'clock, May 17, 2009

REVIEW: Star Trek

The all-new less nerdy "Motion Picture"
What is it?: The all-new reimagining of the original Star Trek series via super genius JJ Abrams!! Let’s face it, Star Trek had become a bloated mess with so many spin-offs that only the die-hards cared (cue angry e-mails), and studios much prefer their franchises to make them cash. Cue re-boot! Yes, they’re all younger, hotter and funnier than before! Just as nerdy, it must be said. But not in such a way that will scare away the masses, which is a nice change.
Leonard Nimoy is in it?: Yes, the old Spock plays a future version of the new Spock (Zachary Quinto), accidentally sucked into a black hole. I found the whole premise a bit distracting, but I had almost forgiven them by the end. It handily washed away the previous series as an “alternate reality”, you know, where Kirk is fat and hammy, the aliens look like rubber and the technology sucks.

Who else?: Chris Pine, who was in Just My Luck with Lindsay Lohan and McFly, plays the new Captain Kirk, and is pretty damn awesome. Even more awesome (almost) is that his dad George is played by “our” Chris Hemsworth. The former Home and Away star impresses with his minimal screen time. From me annoying him at the pub to this – don’t say I don’t make massive Hollywood careers!
Rounding out the cast are John Cho from Harold and Kumar as Sulu, Anton Yelchin (Byrd from Huff) as Chekov, Simon Pegg (Spaced, Shaun Of The Dead) as Scotty, Karl Urban doing his best work since Shortland Street as Bones and Zoë Saldaña as Uhura – mercifully finding herself another franchise after mysteriously disappearing from The Pirates Of The Carribean. Tyler “Madea” Perry also has a surprise role as the head of Star Fleet and Eric Bana plays the baddie Nero (who, it should be noted, is no Poida).

The Space Wiggles?
Anton, Chris, Simon, Karl, John and Zoë

WINONA RYDER!: Winny takes a break from getting hopped up on meds and stealing jackets from Saks to play Spock’s mother. It’s funny, they can beam people from place to place, but they still can’t do realistic old people make-up.
Is it the new Star Wars?: Let’s see, we meet James T. Kirk, who lives in the shadow of his late father, a Star Fleet captain, in small town Iowa (or “Tatooine”). Then one day he meets no-nonsense Uhura (or “Leia”) at a bar (or “Mos Isley Cantina”) and is soon convinced by Captain Pike (or “Obi-Wan Kenobi”) to join Star Fleet (or “the Rebel Alliance”) himself. Later Kirk gets stuck on an ice planet (or “Hoth”) and is attacked by a snow beast (or “Wampa”). That aside, I wish JJ had done the Star Wars prequels.

Sadly I couldn't find a pic of Chris Hemsworth in character, so this one of him at the pub will have to do.

Has it saved the franchise?: Oh yes. Look, I watched Star Trek as a kid and was never a big fan. Even as a seven-year-old it seemed crappy. Remember the movie where they come back to Earth - in the '80s - to save the whales (or something)? WHAT?! Of course I have since come to appreciate things such as the first real multi-racial cast on TV (Is there even a cast that diverse on TV now? I mean, Grey’s Anatomy doesn’t have a Scot or a Russian), but it is still boring (sorry nerds). But not any more! I will quite happily sit through the sequels. Hell, I’ll even look forward to them.
See it?: You probably need to.

Scott Keenan
It's life Jim but not as we know it o'clock