Worst celebrity baby names

They called it WHAT?!

Sigh. Remember the good ol' days - such as, well, yesterday - when the word "bandit" referred to the bad guy with a moustache in a movie instead of a baby?

When I heard My Chemical Romance lead singer Gerard Way welcomed his poor, innocent baby into the world by naming it Bandit (it's a freaking GIRL baby, btw), I felt the need to hurt things. I eventually turned my anger into words and decided to list the:

TOP 5 baby names that surely count as abuse*
* Not including old faves Audio Science (son of actress Shannyn Sossamon), Pilot Inspektor (son of unemployed scientologist Jason Lee) and Prince Michael II/Blanket (a boy fathered by Macaulay Culkin... *cough* sorry, I mean, Michael Jackson)


1. God’iss Love Stone
(sprog of Lil Mo - who? Honestly, it's irrelevant right now but she had that "Superwoman" song)
It's not right to name a pet or random goat God'iss Love Stone let alone a human being. Plus, I don't mean to be rude but since God'iss's eldest sister is named Heaven Love'on Stone - I'm not joking but oh how I wish I was - it's not like she was ever going to be named Sarah Jane, is it?


2. Peanut
(sprog of General Hospital's Ingo Rademacher)
"Comedian" Rove McManus once joked that in the wake of the advent of Apple (daughter o' Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin) that "peanut" was the only item on the planet that hadn't been used as a kid's name. Enter Ingo...
Now, Ingo's girlfriend's name is Ehiku so between them you'd *think* they'd understand the hardship of being burdened with an unorthodox name but nooooo. Those clever clogs came up with Peanut Kai Rademacher for their only son, didn't they? Poor kid.


3. Levon
(sprog of Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke)
I don't hate it but is Levon really a name? Luckily it's become a name for a boy but it feels like a combo of two names but yet is somehow not quite a name. Am I wrong? Is he a wizard of some kind? I guess there was Levon Helm, right? Oh, and there was that Elton John song. Fine... but I still think it's not a real name cos nobody in my entire primary school was called Levon.


4. Tu
(sprog of Numb3rs "star" Rob Morrow)
Sure, Tu is not all that offensive a name for a little girl... UNLESS YOUR LAST NAME IS MORROW.


5. Moxie Crimefighter
(sprog of Penn & Teller's Penn Jillette)
To be fair, I'm torn between wondering if this is the worst name ever or, you know, is it the most AWEsome name of all time?? Actually, is now the time to admit that I would totally pay to see a movie if the lead character's name was Moxie Crimefighter? I'm not sure when else this would ever come up so let's assume yes.

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Carolyn Stewart
I *have* a gift-wrapping room o'clock, May 29, 2009