André Rieu on Neighbours and more...

The Five Most Bizarre Things That Happened In The Last 24 Hours

1. André Rieu appeared on Neighbours
The most famous boring person in the world arrived by limo to Ramsay Street tonight and played his violin for Paul and Rebecca. The whole premise was gloriously ridiculous, which I am whole-heartedly for. However, it's just a shame the guest star wasn't someone fun. Meanwhile, I maintain that "André Rieu" is actually Bruce Willis in a wig. Look at the facts: Bruce hasn't worked (in anything worth watching) in recent years. "André's" career has skyrocketed in recent years. Bruce always harps on about loving jazz music but was upset his albums didn't do that well. "André" realises money can't be made off jazz and that the people really want violins. Bruce was born in Germany. "André" can speak German. Bruce is... secretly "André". Think about it.

2. Chris Brown pleaded not guilty
Despite being charged with two felonies for the alleged assault on Rihanna, Chris Brown appeared in court today and actually pleaded "not guilty, your honor." Seriously? We all saw those pictures, right? The fact that Chris himself admitted he was "sorry and saddened" by the incident about a week after it happened doesn't seem to have come up. Unbelievable.

3. Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady's shotgun wedding.
As the good-looking pair - he's totally better looking than she is but I digress - exchanged vows in Costa Rica, one of Gisele's bodyguards fired gunshots - GUNSHOTS! - at the paparazzi eager to get a snap of the proceedings.
“At that moment, I thought was going to die,” says shot-at photographer Rolando Aviles “The bullet went between us, missing our heads. If the bullet had been a little more to the left or right, it would have killed one of us.”
It's dreadful but... I. Love. It. Is that wrong?

4. Wolverine-er Hugh Jackman joined Twitter
I know this is a thing of chocolatey-goodness but it's kinda weird when famous people of employ join. I mean, how will poor Hugh Jackman compete with the inane twittering madness of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's 50,000 tweets a day? Anyway, if you wanna find him, tweet on over to: Twitter.com/RealHughJackman. Sample tweet so far: "Great day catching up with family." Yawn. Time to step it up, scissor hands.

5. DJ is all growned up.
Candace Cameron Bure - that's DJ Tanner of Full House fame to you - is 33 today. The sister of Growing Pain's pin-up Kirk's birthday is April 6 so, in the US, she's partying right now. THIRTY THREE. Cut.. It.. Out!
These days, CCB is married, a mother of three and writes a monthly column for Christian Women Online [CLICK ON ME!]. In happier news, she's thankfully returning to TV in the upcoming Perfect 10 about a group of teen hopefuls as they train for the Olympics. Does that sound a bit too much like like the old Aussie Heath Ledger/Martin Henderson show Sweat? Yes, it does. She plays the "step-mom" of someone. Still, whatever it takes to get her back on TV is fine with me. Happy birthday, CCB!

Carolyn Stewart
André Rieu o'clock, April 7, 2009