Gwyneth Paltrow not-so-secretly hates Winona Ryder

FRENEMY WARS!
GWYNETH vs WINONA

I subscribe to Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop email thingo and I kinda love it. Hey, don't judge me, we all have dirty little secrets. Anyway, I absolutely forgot how BFF Gwyneth and Winona Ryder were (back when they were dating other BFFs Ben Affleck and Matt Damon respectively) until I got her latest newsletter where she talks about a "frenemy". And, while this frenemy could feasably be anyone, surely signs point to it being Ol' Five-Fingers Ryder?

"Back in the day, I had a “frenemy” who, as it turned out, was pretty hell-bent on taking me down. This person really did what they could to hurt me. I was deeply upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restrained myself from fighting back. I tried to take the high road. But one day I heard that something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person. And my reaction was deep relief and…happiness. There went the high road. So, why does it feel so good to hear something bad about someone you don’t like? Or someone you DO like? Or someone you don’t KNOW? I once asked the editor of a tabloid newspaper why all of the stories about a famous British couple had a negative bent. He said that when the headline was positive, the paper didn’t sell. Why is that? What’s wrong with us? I asked the sages to shed a little light.
Here’s to washing our mouths out with soap...
Love, Gwyneth"
For more GOOP: [CLICK ON ME!]

Just in case you're still unsure of the identity of the frenemy, maybe a refresher on their history is in order. You see, former BFFs Gwynnie and Winnie were always rumoured to have had a massive falling out because Winnie accused Gwynnie of stealing Shakespeare in Love from her (oh, to have been a fly on the wall of that blow up!). It's worth noting that the pair were inseperable prior to this and then, when that rumour spread, they were never seen hanging out in public again. Also, sure, the rumour sounded suitably ridiculous and Winona-kinda-crazy at the time but now I totally believe Gwynnie did. I love her but she's calculating and just that kind of person.

So, while GP doesn't spell out the name W-i-n-o-n-a in her newsletter, it allegedly - ahem - has to be! The "something unfortunate and humiliating" happening to her frenemy surely refers to Winnie being done for shoplifting from Sak's Fifth Avenue in 2001. I now can't help but picture G turning on the news on the day of W's arrest and guffawing like a mad person. Love it!

The weird thing is that, despite her Ice Queen reputation, Gwyneth always wants to come off as nice-as-pie in public so I can't imagine what she is thinking by starting this likely war of words. While I do give her kudos for admitting to the whole principle of feeling glee at a frenemy's fall from grace, it still has me worried for her. Sure, your average person might be able to let this slide but this is Winona freaking Ryder we're talking about. Surely she'll see through this thinly-veiled attack and unleash the crazy. There's no way she's not going to fight back. It's going to be dirty. Game on!

Carolyn Stewart
I should be eating breakfast o'clock, April 17, 2009