Ill-advised commentary and critique on the world of popular and not-so-popular culture.
Monday, March 30, 2009
It's beginning to look a lot like Logies...In the build up to the best night of the year – I mean, of course, the TV Week Logie Awards – this year’s nominations were announced yesterday.
Packed To The Rafters and Underbelly dominated, with 11 and nine nominations respectively. But will viewers remember the first series of Underbelly given how long ago it aired? (The peer-voted “Outstanding” categories certainly will).
The nominations for Gold Logie (leaked early after Nine ran ads for TV Week on Sunday night – oops!) are Natalie Bassingthwaighte, Andrew Denton, Rebecca Gibney, Adam Hills, Simmone Jade Mackinnon,Rove McManus,Kate Ritchie and Ian Smith. I will refrain from telling you who should and shouldn’t win… but a good half of the list shouldn’t. I could not be more delighted that Ian Smith scored his first nomination and I truly hope he wins (not sure of our chances, but hope there are a few bleeding hearts who text on the night). Simmone is a nice inclusion, hopefully somebody gives her a great role this year – maybe in that Police Rescue rip-off Nine are working on? Readers know I love Rebecca Gibney, and she is a great shot given her massive audience and great performances.
The Silver nominations see Jodi Gordon, Kat Stewart, Gyton Grantley, Todd Lasance, Erik Thomson and the late Mark Priestley also recognised.
There certainly aren't many surprises this year ... at all ... and while that's a little dull, it says a lot about the quantity and quality of Aussie TV we've had in the past year. All Saints and City Homicide didn't even get a look in (neither did Sea Patrol, but there's no surprise there).
But so many questions remain. Where is Christie Hayes’ nomination? Why are Dean Geyer and Ricki-Lee Coulter “new” talents when they were already Australian Idol contestants? Is Anne Charleston spewing she never got a nomination? Why on Earth is Gretel Killeen hosting the awards? How many parties will I con my way into?
I also have a note to the producers (actually I have an entire dossier, but for now): It’s time that the telecast ditched awards for outstanding news, sports, public affairs and documentaries. There is nothing wrong with doing those in the ad breaks and telling us later. It would help me greatly when it comes to my boredom factor.
Scott Keenan The first of many Logies posts to come o'clock
It's me, Carolyn. May I call you, Britters? Cool. Look, I have to be honest, I know you're totally a superstar and that but it's honestly a wonder you have any fans left. In the universe.
It's safe to say I don't understand you... but that might equally be because of your absolutely appalling nails-down-a-chalkboard speaking voice. I fully admit you have fun songs when they don't suck and, pre-shaving-your-head, I'd rate you as unparalleled-awesome when it comes to dancing in your videos and such. However, this is not about me, it's about you and, believe it or not, back in the day when you dated Justin Timberlake, I have to say that people in general used to really like you.
However, over the past few years, as you're no doubt well aware, you've given many of those people so very many reasons to not like you. At all. I imagine it was tough work being a Britney Spears fan throughout your lip-synching in "live" performances, the marriage to K-Fed, your mental breakdown, that MTV performance and ensuing periodic abandonment of your children and dogs. However, while plenty of people ditched you and mocked you, your real fans stuck by you through the thick (remember your Dorritos-and-ice-blue-tracky-dacks phase?) and the very, very thin (two words: Brandon. Davis. - and believe me, I am not implying for one moment that he is thin). And how do you - or Team Britney - repay them? You go to war with them.
The news this week that your dad Jamie has demanded that BreatheHeavy.com (CLICK ON ME!), a fan site that has been critical of your conservatorship arrangement, close down and has hit them with charges for copyright violations based on reproducing your songs, videos, photos and such. Erm, it's a fan site! What freaking else would be on there? "The real issue, in my opinion, is hidden behind these Copyright Infringement claims, rather management, particularly her father/conservator, Jamie Spears, who makes $18,000 a month off his daughter, is desperately trying to hide the truth about Britney's imprisonment, and shut anyone up who disagrees," says site owner Justin Miller.
Fair call. It's just an opinion. And if nobody (your father) had made such a big legal deal about it, the universe at large would never have known. Sure, Justin might be a bit crazy. Is he attacking anyone with an umbrella like you, his idol, did ever so recently? Who knows? He's a "fan", which comes from the word "fanatic". It's right there in how he describes himself. As long as he's not saying dangerous or hateful things, the thing you should be grateful for is that he's fanatical about you... and now he's forced to use pixelated photos of you and refer to you as "Brittany Speerz". Is that what you really want?
With the amount of other fans that visit his site, until now Justin probably did more unpaid good for you than anyone you actually have day-to-day contact with. If this was a one-off incident, fine, I'd leave it be but it is disturbingly reminiscent of your 2006 attitude towards your then-biggest fan site, World of Britney (CLICK ON ME!). The then-webmaster, Ruben Garay, commented, after you refused to meet then-competition winners, that he had "exhausted his attempts" to make you "show appreciation for [your] millions of fans." Still, in the ensuing years, Ruben inexplicably remains a fan of yours. Cos that's what being a fan is. In it for the long haul.
The thing you don't seem to get, Britters, is that these are your real fans - the ones who are investing their lives into running websites that seemingly do nothing but promote you to other like-minded folk. As history has shown, they care about you more than you care about yourself. Even when you were so drugged out to even notice you left the house without wearing underwear, they were still listening to your music and hoping like hell you'd sort your life out. I have to say, if you expect people to buy your Candie's shoes and hideous perfumes just because you are the person hocking them, then shouldn't it work both ways? You can't just whore yourself out because the timing suits you. On top of that, shouldn't fans want to - and, more importantly, shouldn't they be able to - make comment on your life or career with complete freedom. You should know by now that some people will like some things you do and some people won't. It's the way the world works.
Britters, I know we haven't seen eye to eye, well, since the start of this letter... but my advice to you is to go after the people who sell fake merchandise on the sidewalk outside your concerts. Then, send your henchmen out after the scalpers making a mint off fans so desperate to see you in concert they'd hand over their weekly wage for the privilege. By all means, do everything you can to hunt down illegal downloads of your albums. You are right. These people ARE stealing directly from you. But your actual hardcore fans who care about everything you've ever done and ever will do in your career? These people are not the enemy. They're gems. They make you richer in so many ways and it's about time you started realising that.
Yours in Oops!...-YOU-Did-It-Again-ed-ness, Carolyn Stewart
PS: Wade Robson is my favourite person on the planet and you really need him to be choreographing for you always. I don't know why you replaced him with others to choreograph your Circus tour. Dumb move. I'm just sayin'.
Carolyn Stewart I had to work today and that sucks o'clock, March 30, 2008
Friday, March 27, 2009
TV Talk
Let’s be frank, I watch a hell of a lot of TV. And I have a lot of stuff to say about it. So now I will!
Summer GayThere has been a lot made of the simmering lesbian storyline between Charlie (Esther Anderson) and Joey (Kate Bell) on Home and Away. This is lame. And a beat-up, drummed up by Seven publicity (or at very least Today Tonight). Long-time viewers will recall several lesbian storylines in the past – there was even a girl-on-girl kiss three weeks ago between Nicole (Tessa James) and Freya (Sophie Hensser) that slipped by with nary a mention from “parents groups” (also read: ultra conservative life haters). Gyspsy (Kimberley Cooper) had a fling with a girl and Shannon (Isla Fisher) left the show to move to Paris with her girlfriend Mandy (Rachel Blake)! And let’s be honest, we all loved the Bay's first lesbian... Bobby (Nicole Dickson). But when will a gay male (who gets more than a token few lines) move to the Bay?
Channel OneYesterday Channel Ten launched its new 24 hour HD sports channel, One, replacing Ten HD. Why we needed another sports channel when Fox Sports already has three is unclear. Why Ten, who aside from the AFL seem to have rubbish sports, are the ones to do it is also unclear. Why I sat through their tedious “Welcome To One” presentation (choice quote: “A lot of people don’t realise just how exciting netball really is!”) I have NO idea. Most infuriating was that the channel launched on the first day of the AFL season – and didn’t even play the first game live. It wasn’t even live in the "AFL states" – despite it being sold out. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. But the worst thing about One? You can no longer see Ten shows in HD. Even shows the network paid big money converting such as Neighbours and Australian Idol. EPIC FAIL!
Up The Rafter I loved Packed To The Rafters when it started, but I have a short attention span so really struggled a bit (but still watched) this year – and now they go and reveal Julie (Rebecca Gibney) is pregnant in the season finale! Is this a shark jumping moment or genius? Genius until the baby actually arrives, methinks. Either way, the new season is months away.
Rebecca Gibney et moi ... paternity test pending
American Idol miming scandal! It turns out that they still do those tragi-tastic group performances on American Idol. This week was more tragi-tastic than most, when the contestants were still able to be heard singing without their mics… magic!!! Turns out they mime to a pre-recorded track for group songs. How YTT of them. But why?
Tune in next week for my run-down of the TV Week Logie Awards nominations!
Bad News Of The Day Blender, the most awesome music mag in the world, has closed. Launched in 2001 as a music-based sister mag to Maxim, we have been devout readers since day one. Always funny, always on the pulse, and punching above it's weight for breaking stories, Blender will be missed. Aside from being robbed of an awesome magazine we have to wonder what will happen to our subscriptions now… First Smash Hits and now this. Is there room for awesome magazines in the world? Update: Taylor Swift just Tweeted; "I'm really upset that blender magazine closed.. They gave me my first big cover. :( RIP, wonderful magazine." Agreed.
Buh-bye Blender, our lives will suck without you
Scott Keenan Is it Neighbours o'clock yet? o'clock
What is it? The latest animated feature from Dreamworks where monsters take on, well, aliens... but in 3D! The first "monster" we meet is Susan (voiced by Reese Witherspoon), who is your average gal until she becomes a giant on her wedding day and is renamed Ginormica. When she is whisked away by the government, she meets the other monsters: a mad-scientist cockroach (Hugh Laurie), a giant caterpillar, the Missing Link (Will Arnett) and a brainless blob named B.O.B (short for bicarbonate ostylezene benzoate, natch. Voiced by Seth Rogen). When evil aliens arrive to destroy everything in their path, the president (voiced by Stephen Colbert) calls on the monsters to take them on in the ultimate battle. The tops part:You get to wear 3D glasses! The untops part:After about half an hour, I was annoyed by the ill-fitting 3D glasses. They hurt just behind my ears. Not real pain but you know that dull, annoying kind of pain that is just there and you become obsessed with wanting it to stop but can't be bothered doing anything about it? Yeah, it's that... for one and a half hours. Does it really need to be in 3D?Mmm... hate to be a killjoy but not really. There is an awesome part at the beginning where a geeky scientist dude bounces a ball in the audience's direction, plus every now and then there's a cool battle with bits flying everywhere but, other than that, it's just a gimmick. But it's a good gimmick. Like, it was more necessary to have the glasses than in that horrible Hannah Montana concert movie thing - that was really just wasting everyone's time. The AWESOME thing this movie has in common with Shrek The Third, Horton Hears A Who and Kung Fu Panda: The voice of Seth Rogen. He says of when he was approached about doing the character, "I have only one voice I do... this... so I told them when they first talked to me about it, 'Well, if you want the character to sound exactly like me then I'm the perfect guy for this. If you have any other aspirations, you'll probably have to get someone else'." Luckily sense prevailed. Aside: I just love, love, love Seth's voice. It's awesome. It's like Fozzie Bear but sexy. Anyway, Seth's B.O.B. is hilarious and faultless from start to finish. The thing this movie has that no other animated movie should EVER have:David Koch. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Good Lord, people, Kochie's voice is grating enough on morning television in real land without him playing a presenter in cartoon land. Let's never have this happen again. I had been hoping to learn that he only plays the reporter in the "Australian" version of the film and it was a different reporter for every region but some googling revealed: Noooooo. Seriously, world, I'm sorry you've been inflicted with him. Question without an answer:When bride-to-be Susan is struck by a meteor that turns her glowing and giant, why does her hair go from brunette to blonde? It's weird. Are all the best bits in the trailer? Some of them are but thankfully not all of them... yet. Will kids like it? Yes. There was giggling and squealing aplenty at the screening I was at. Is it the best animated movie I've ever seen? No. My heart belongs to Toy Story, a bit to Nemo and I was mesmerised by Horton Hears A Who. Is it the best animated movie of the last five years? I liked Horton better but it is second, I think. I wanted to love Wall-E but the truth is I heart the Wall-E trailers - I still love the idea of it and it started cute enough... but was long and got stupider as it went on. You'll like this:If you like this kind of thing. See it?Yeah, go on...
-- Carolyn Stewart What a revolting day and it's still not over o'clock, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Overrated? The Oeuvre Of Steve Spielberg Remember when Dawson on Dawson’s Creek wanted to be a director and his favourite director was Steven Spielberg? I happened to think to myself, “Surely no self-respecting director goes into the business wanting to be Steven Spielberg?” Yes, he has been amazingly successful and delivered some of the most iconic film images of all time, but how consistent is he really as a director? His style – certainly right into the ’80s and even with flashes now – is of a really ’70s, non-linear, self-indulgent school of which I am not a big fan. So I looked through his filmography, and spotted almost as many misses as hits. Let me just say that I love a good Steven movie and I think he is a great guy and he especially provided me with some amazing childhood entertainment. But it must be said that it is his producing, and not directing, that has delivered some of my favourite movies; The Goonies, Back To The Future, Gremlins. All things I will be forever grateful to him for backing and getting made. This story could have been 3000 words long (and in honesty, the first draft was) so for brevity I will give one line reviews to all of his films and see what we come up with.
Duel (1971) Alleged “classic” plays more like a well put-together student project.
(Note: I have skippedSugarland Expressand 1941as I have never seen them, nor was I on hand to witness their cultural impact - if any)
Jaws (1975) People remember flashes of terror in the movie, but it is actually really, really long and talky and boring. Iconic, yes. Very good? No.
Close Encounters Of The Third Kind (1977) Like Jaws, this movie was all dull, talky build-up. But the impressive alien sequences would serve him well when making E.T..
Raiders Of The Lost Ark (1981) The movie is magic and the team of George Lucas and (mainly) writer Lawrence Kasdan means that it has a story, and plot points actually flow throughout. (George, please get Lawrence back, give him half your money and beg him to never leave you again.)E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) A cultural landmark, let’s ignore that much of this fillum feels like a bunch on unrelated scenes. First movie I saw at the cinema!
Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) Steven directed one of the three stories in this ill-advised and infamous remake of the TV show. His segment is fine, but the fillum doesn’t play like a fillum at all.
Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom (1984) When it came out I liked this one even better than the first. It may be more exciting, if less cohesive as a story.
The Color Purple (1985) Steven’s first stab at a “worthy” fillum. But actually a good one. Plus: Whoopi AND Oprah!
The Goonies (1985) He only directed one scene, but did come up with the story and produce it. Did I mention it was one of my favourite films EVER?
Empire Of The Sun (1987) I have never seen this movie. But a pint-sized Christian Bale is in it!
Always (1989) I saw this on video when I was a kid. It is the kind of video your dad picks and you just wish you could watch Alf.
Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade (1989) More Indy fun!
Hook (1991) Possibly one of the worst movies ever made. Jurassic Park (1993) It is hard to explain the impact this fillum had when it came out. It blew people away, which is Spielberg’s (all too rare) magic.
Schindler's List (1993) More worthiness. The movie is fine, I just don’t like feeling lectured. You know?
Amistad (1997) LECTURE. (I was so bored I honestly can’t give this a rating)
The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) It’s like the first one, but the dinosaurs visit San Diego! Probably fine, but ultimately forgettable.
Saving Private Ryan (1998) More lectures. But I appreciate the point he was making about the depiction of war in film. He did for gore what he’d done for aliens. I’m calling it good.
A.I.: Artificial Intelligence (2001) Almost good at some point and then shit. And the more you think about it later, the more shit it truly seems.
Catch Me If You Can (2002) I actually quite liked this one. Probably his most understated fillum at that time.
Minority Report (2002) I like this despite Tom Cruise.
War Of The Worlds (2005) I didn’t need a remake of this. I certainly didn’t need an alien to go up against the aliens! Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull (2008) SHIT!
In conclusion: I am going to say that seven of his films have been utter rubbish, eight have been rather damn good, and the others seem to have been attempts to win Oscars.
But above all, know this: there was NEVER any reason for The Terminal to be made by Steven Spielberg. It could have possibly been an okay TV movie with Bronson Pinchot in the Tom Hanks role and Meredith Baxter in the Catherine Zeta-Jones role. I may have even cried.
Scott Keenan I hope Steven still works with me one day o'clock
It's me, Carolyn. You may not remember me but that's mainly because we've never met. That minor non-issue aside, you have always inspired me to keep going forward and live my best life.
Currently, eating Cheezels, updating Twitter whilst simultaneously trying to ignore Two And A Half Men on my TV is the best life I can manage right now but I digress...
My point is that I couldn't help but notice that you arrived on Ellen DeGeneres's show via satellite and gave in to her begging to be on the cover of your magazine, the awesome O magazine. You said that you'd been following Ellen's plight to copy Michelle Obama and you added, "I believe that when you dream it and conceive it, you can have it and achieve it."
Well, funny you should mention that, Opey, cos I truly believe you are correct. You have taught me over the years that anything is possible. It's possible to have a book club that people actually want to be a part of and it's possible for a person (albeit one operating at a certain level) to have no option but to jump on a couch like a loon cos they're so in love with Katie Holmes. So, believing what you say is true, my question for you is that if I was to mention that my dream was coincidentally exactly the same dream as Ellen's, does that mean you'll arrive in my lounge room via satellite - it's how all the cool kids travel - and offer me the same goal realisation? You'll say that I can appear on the cover of O magazine with you just because I can dream and concieve it?
I know what you're thinking, Oprah. I do. I'm not famous or anything. That's true. I'm not famous but does that mean I shouldn't be able to have the same dream as a famous person? No, frankly, it does not.
Sure there are ways that I am vastly different to your new BFF Ellen. Like, I'm not married to Portia de Rossi (but I am Australian just like her), I don't have a TV show (but I do watch TV shows), Time magazine sure as hell has never done a cover story on my sexuality (yet Dude-Where's-My-Car?-vintage Ashton Kutcher once bit me on the face if that helps) and I don't have a contract as Covergirl's cover girl (but I do wear make-up in the hope of being your very next cover girl). In acknowledging all these wonderful things that Ellen is, is it fair to say I'm any less worthy a cover contender just because I am not these things? I've watched your show, Oprah. I know that the answer is that everyone should be treated equally. Also, I've watched so damn much of your show that I also know that if you reject me just because I'm not as famous as Ellen, it might give me low self-esteem just like you said Rihanna has or I may turn to food for comfort just like you have done.
So, I eagerly await your reply, which I presume will have details of our upcoming cover shoot. I just know you will say yes, if only for fear that you know full well that turning me down just because of my lack of fame could see me turn to 54 doughnuts to dim the pain. I'm visualising the cover... we're on a ride at Disneyland... I have candy-floss in my hand and you are wearing Mnnie Mouse ears. We're having THE best time. It's almost a reality. A real achievement. Or can you only have a dream if you're famous, Oprah? Do let me know.
Yours in best life-d-ness-ness, Carolyn Stewart PS: I love the frenzy of your Favourite Things shows the best but I like it when it's your actual favourite things, not the stuff that you think people with 50 cents to their name might be forced to get when times get tough. I don't aspire to want any of that. I prefer to see what YOU can afford - like Blackberries, diamond watches, fridges with computers in them, panini presses and spa retreats. Seriously. Admittedly this is a selfish move on my part as one day I hope to be one of the lucky ones in that audience to hear you scream, "Flying cars for allllllllllllllll!" PPS: Oh yeah, and I love Nate. I don't know how you can be in such close proximity to him all the time and not try to bottle him so you can keep him on your desk for always.
Carolyn Stewart I want Oprah's Love Sandwich [CLICK ON ME!] for dinner o'clock, March 24, 2008
So mainstream media has caught onto "social networking" site Twitter, and everyone from Barbara Walters to Kerri-Anne Kennerly is happily filling airtime with talk of the "craze".
Critics will tell you that it’s boring, pointless, voyeuristic or just narcissistic.
In truth it is perhaps a bit of all of these. But stick with it long enough – a day or so – and reading about other people doing inane day-to-day things, in handy 140 characters or less bursts, proves to become compulsive reading.
As Carolyn has mentioned before, we're obsessed.
Today I share with you some tweets from some of my favourite celebrity Tweeters. Demi and Ashton might be the most famous Tweeters around, but trust me when I tell you they are boring, boring people. John Mayer is less boring, but forgets to mention his love life.
Dave Hughes
Dave is quite possibly the funniest man in Australia, and my bestest Twitter friend.
watching biggest loser and wondering if backboobs will be the next big thing? Hot as.
7:29 PM Mar 15th from web
Dog vomitted on the carpet in the bedroom and I can't be bothered cleaning it up. Can I pretend I haven't seen it? It's only a little one. 6:37 PM Mar 19th from web
I did a Zoot review ad today with georgie parker for Samboy chips. Yes Samboy is back and the flavour really hits you. The twinpack rocks. about 3 hours ago from web
Diddy
The most infamous of all tweets is the following by hip-hop impresario Diddy:
For all those just tuning in. I'm 6 and half hrs in on a 36 hour tantric sex session. Welcome
23 days ago
Tweeters everywhere are dropping him like a hotcake due to the fact that he fills their pages with with regular, round-the-clock messages of this quality:
i promise yall im not drunk... but i wanna tell yall something.... I LOVE YALL!!! LOL LOL!!!! LETS GOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
6:48 PM Mar 21st from web
Russell Brand
Russell has never been afraid of sharing. And now we know he loves Kate Ritchie - and the Home and Away theme song.
Off to Sydney now. I'm doing Aussie radio first with Sally from home and away, Cor! "I'm walkin on air" Is it obvious that I feel randy?
7:52 AM Mar 16th from web
The lyrics to the Home and Away theme confuse - "I've never felt such emotion"? This could be applied to any emotion, each feeling is unique.
8:00 AM Mar 16th from web
And when he posted the following, I didn’t realise it was actually true: @janeyjojo I remain for a further week, worshipping your culture. I am literally on Sydney harbor, saluting your achievements. Nude.
9:34 AM Mar 18th from web in reply to janeyjojo
Dina Lohan
Dina, mother of Lindsay, not only lives vicariously through her daughter, she also spends her days on the internet defending herself against "haters". But most entertainingly, she still doesn’t understand that there is a 140 character limit on tweets and thinks she is being censored. HA!
while parenting GOD DOES THIS THING ALWAYS MALFUNCTION, I AM a good mother sure i make mistakes but who doesnt maybe everyone should look wi
8:48 AM Mar 19th from web
you know what whoever runs this site needs a reality check not only do i have to deal with the censorship but now i keep getting error messa
8:42 AM Mar 20th from web
ALso another thing I dont appreciate is the time limit to make a message why should I only have a certain amt of time when so much is at sta
8:49 AM Mar 20th from web
see it happened AGAIN did everyone see that? i have spent so much time typing heartfelt messages and it lets me when i post it they are shor
12:41 PM Mar 21st from web
I could seriously read her crazy all day!
Mark Hoppus
Mark Hoppus, of the newly reformed Blink 182, used Twitter to reveal the band would be unveiling themselves at the MTV Australia Awards. Now he’s in Sydney and giving stalkers handy directions on where to find him.
Currently devouring this #40 yaki soba at wagamama. So good.
about 8 hours ago from txt
Hot, Jetlagged, and Touristy in Sydney. 2:28 PM Mar 22nd from web
Mark's Tweetpic from the Martin Place fountain (as made famous in The Matrixand Superman Returns)
Spencer Pratt
Anyone who has ever seen The Hills knows Spencer is a tool. But did you know … ?
my new focus in life is working on my "touch"
9:26 AM Mar 22nd from web
my nasal passage has never felt so clear!!! wow i highly recommend using a Neti Pot! Heidi loves it now also!
about 9 hours ago from web
Rob Corddry
Rob is best known for his work on The Daily Show and … that Las Vegas movie with Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz. His tweets have me crying with laughter.
My two year old calls glue "gool". What a fucking ASShole!
2:28 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck
Yup. That was human poop at the end of my driveway. Yay.
7:09 AM Mar 21st from Tweetie
I still think Cocoon is the best Don Ameche movie about old people who are physically rejuvenated by alien cocoons.
12:06 PM Mar 22nd from TweetDeck
Yes, Wild Hogs was also about oldies finding new life via an alien (Travolta). With Ray Liota in the Don Ameche role. Thnx @gmsemple.
1:31 PM Mar 22nd from TweetDeck
Yoko Ono
The ’60s were 100 years ago (approx), but even a tech-savvy Yoko is still … Yoko.
I was never able to get hold of my mother without touching her manicure and fur. about 17 hours ago from web
The air smells wise and tender. It surrounds me without giving me any pressure - like a kind friend. It makes me feel innocent again.
3:00 AM Mar 22nd from web
Scott Keenan
I definitely didn’t forget it was my turn to blog o’clock
WHAT THE HELLIS THAT? Inspect Some Gadget's gadget guide
A comprehensive but - more importantly - short guide that will come in handy when you're stuck having a conversation with someone you don't really like who thinks they know stuff about computers. The person you're talking to is also more than likely to think they're better than you but, in reality, you clearly know that could never be. This guide will help you to know what's out there without going to the trouble of, you know, going out there.
THIS WEEK: THE KINDLE What is it? It's a wireless reading device. Put out by Amazon. Who have taken so much of my money over the years that they should just give me one of these as a thank you.
Is it a book?Yes. But it's also not a book. Like Zoolander says they're "in the computer" (and, in this case, the books are "in the computer-like-thing). You pretty much download a book and it's sent to you. See it in action: (CLICK ON ME!)
Not to be confused with: My friend Karen Kindlen.
Couldn't I just buy a book instead? Erm, yes.
Who is it for? Everyone who can read good. However, people like my sister who go on a one week trip and take 47 books with them will benefit most. The Kindle will drop the weight of her average suitcase by about 4000 kilos.
Is it all that revolutionary? Yes. Think about it like this: what the iPod did for music fans, the Kindle will do for book fans. Prior to the iPod, one had to cart around every CD one ever owned - or at least a good selection - in case one suddenly needed to hear Feargal Sharkey's "A Good Heart" or Kids In The Kitchen's "Current Stand". Hey, it happens. Trust me. Aside: If you don't understand the mentality behind what I've just said, you never will. If you do understand, you've already found them on iTunes and you're listening to one of those two tracks right now. So, conversely, your Kindle-owner no longer needs to lug around cumbersome tomes such as War and Peace, Great Expectationsor Catcher In The Rye(or even sTORI TELLING for that matter) because they're "in" your lightweight Kindle.
How to use 'kindle' in a sentence: "I wonder if I should get my friend Karen Kindlen a Kindle for Christmas."
How to use 'kindle' in a better sentence: "There's no glare. I checked the Kindle out the other day and it's not like I'm looking at a screen. It was totes like I was reading a piece of paper! No glare, man. There's no glare." How long until every news service in the world starts doing stories on it? 4 weeks.
How long until my parents start using the term in conversation? 5 months and 2 days.
Do I need one? No because of hard economic times. Yet way-yes... cos the future is here.
-- Carolyn Stewart Before I've eaten breakfast o'clock, March 20, 2009
So, word is Justin Timberlake is set to launch his own line of tequila, having spent two years “researching”. I have spent almost 10 years doing similar research, but my name is yet to grace bottles of bourbon.
Still, I’m a sucker for a celebrity endorsed product – or at least trying it once.
And JT is far from the first star to put his name to alcohol. Francis Ford Coppola, Derryn Hinch (ahem), Martha Stewart and the late Paul Newman have all ventured into self-titled tipples. Even golfer Greg Norman took a break from bitching about his ex-wife on TV to go into the wine business, while Olivia Newton-John, not to be put off by the failure of her Aussie-themed Koala Blue stores in the ’80s, revived the infamous brand to do the same.
Livvy: only five bottles tonight?
Somehow finding time between Tweets, Diddy has a "development" deal worth over $100million with Ciroc vodka. He nabs 50% of the profits and says it gets his “daily attention”. Presumably he downs a few shots before his (according to him) six hour tantric sex sessions.
Comedirap trio The Lonely Island are massive fans of crusty guitarist Santana’s sparkling wine Santana DVX – even naming a song after it on their new album Incredibad. It’s little wonder with its “fragrant floral notes”, “mild nutty bouquet” and “creamy palate with a long finish”. Are we still talking champagne?
Sample lyrics:
As a kid I used to lay awake and think When was Santana gonna make a drink? But now I'm all grown and my dream came true Santana champagne from him to you
Of course the best celebrity booze beverage is without doubt Danny DeVito’s Premium Limoncello. Danny’s venture into the delicious Italian lemon liqueur came after a drunken appearance on The View in which he admitted he had been on the tiles with George Clooney the entire night previous.
A List Of Stupid Things So Addictive They Should Be Forced To Reveal Their Top-Secret Hidden Cocaine Content.
1. PRINGLES They say it right there in their ad: 'Once you pop, you just can't stop.' Boy, is that true. While I'll pretty much eat any of them, I don't. Sour Cream & Onion flavour is the only one I ever buy... and then proceed to eat all of. Salad should take note from the humble Pringle: if you tasted more like that, I'd eat more of you. Simple, really. 2. ZAC EFRON Sure, he's got nothing to say about anything and the only interesting things in his life he refuses to talk about but he's just so darn pretty. He's also, like, a way-tops dancer. Plus, I like how he always wears some sort of flannel shirt. It's cosy. Does he actually know there are other types of shirts available? 3. MY BOYS This (CLICK ON ME!) is honestly the worst show on television. Possibly ever. Can I stop watching it? No. 4. TORI SPELLING'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY, sTORI TELLING I am almost through 90210 alum Victoria Davey Spelling's book (that SK gave me for my birthday - ta muchly) and I, quite honestly never want it to end. She's awesome. Read an excerpt hither: (CLICK ON ME!) and then proceed to buy the whole book. You won't regret it. Especially if you want to know what Ian Ziering said to Shannen Doherty.
5. TWITTER While this very morning I unfollowed Anderson Cooper (burn!), there are only a few people who I want to unTwit (Are you listening, Diddy? No, of course you're not. You're too busy sending tweets. every. five. seconds.). Twitter is equal parts boring, annoying and, luckily, fascinating. Did someone say stupid, trivial and a massive time-waster? Oooh! Where do I sign up?
6. POLAR BEARS I want a polar bear. Is that so wrong? I could literally watch them for hours, which would be a plus if, you know, I actually got to own one. LOOOOOOOK: (CLICK ON ME!) Sure it doesn't know what it's own reflection is but maybe that's cos it can't believe it's never seen anything so cuuuuute before!
Over to SK, who will now no doubt attack Zac Efron for being a human oil slick. OK, SK didn't actually say that but he said something much like that just yesterday. Sure, there was alcohol involved but it doesn't mean he didn't say it... nor does it mean he won't defend it.
-- Carolyn Stewart I-need-some-lunch o'clock, March 18, 2009
In the build up to the best night of the year – I mean, of course, the TV Week Logie Awards – this year’s nominations were announced yesterday.
I could not be more delighted that Ian Smith scored his first nomination and I truly hope he wins (not sure of our chances, but hope there are a few bleeding hearts who text on the night). Simmone is a nice inclusion, hopefully somebody gives her a great role this year – maybe in that Police Rescue rip-off Nine are working on? Readers know I love Rebecca Gibney, and she is a great shot given her massive audience and great performances.
Kat Stewart and Gyton Grantley
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