Eskimos: Joel Quartermain, Kav Temperley, Stu MacLeod
Ay-may-zing. That is the official TheUniBrain summary of Eskimo Joe’s performance at the Sydney launch of their new album Inshalla (and not, as I heard a few punters say, “Insular”), Arabic-type talk for “God Willing” – or as singer Kav puts it “what will be will be”. Despite this, “Que Sera, Sera” has mysteriously been left off the track list. First single “Foreign Land” delivers some of the title’s Eastern influence. The song – inspired by the band finding themselves in New York performing the same day that fellow West Australian Heath Ledger passed away in the city – is a corker. To my delight, the new record has plenty of big drums. I always muse that when people finally start hiring me to produce their music I will yell, “We need at least three times as many drums as this!” Hopefully complete with three duelling drummers. Sort of like Adam and The Ants. Only with an extra drummer. As if reading my mind Eskimo Joel, who on record is still the band’s drummer but now prefers to be an axe man for gigs, even joined their live drummer for a drum-off during “The Sound of Your Heart”. Brilliant. Stu – who since the last album has earned the nickname “the one what looks like the one off Flight Of The Conchords” – was at his dependable best, while Kav was over-annunciating lyrics and taking the piss out of the media types in the crowd – and the cavernous venue The Royal Hall Of Industries at Fox Studios – as is always called for at such events. “Losing Friends Over Love” and “Childhood Behaviour” impressed, but best of all was “Don't Let Me Down” which should be a single immediately and proves that this is a band who knows how to write a screw you radio chorus. It calls to mind "Come On Eileen" in the same way that "Sara" did "The Neverending Story". So do yourselves and pick up a copy already. Because they are awesome, after eight tracks the guys also indulged the crowd some “old stuff” in the form of “Black Fingernails, Red Wine” and “From The Sea”. Natch TheUniBrain downed plenty of gratis red wine on the night, in keeping with the theme, but decided against black nail polish on account of the fact that Wil Anderson used to wear it.
PS: Iva Davies was there, but we did not get to talk to/sing at him.
Note to Ed St John: you did me proud at the ARIA No.1s by serving booze throughout the show … and the very next gig you put on that I attend there is a booze lock-out during the performance. I actually understand this in terms of the fact that the audience should be paying the band all of their attention. But it should also be noted that after downing free booze a 45-minute lull isn’t too feel good. I should have joined the throng and collected extra bottles when warned, but I must have been pretending to be classy.
Scott Keenan Insert unappreciated "Sweater" joke here o'clock
Remember Atomic Kitten? The three-gal British group what had hits with covers of “The Tide Is High” and “Be With You” and the rather good (or so it seemed at the time) “Whole Again”?
But the big news is that Liz McClarnon, Natasha Hamilton and Jenny Frost will be joined by original member Kerry Katona (who Jenny replaced) for a 10 date tour that will apparently earn them a six figure sum each.
I would quote some of the “sources” in the story, but they read as if they’ve been made up by people in the NOTW office. The gist is that nobody would care if Kerry weren't there and she's broke and would quite like the cash, thanks.
Now given that the girls never really had a hit when Kerry was in the group – the exception being “Whole Again” which was re-recorded whilst still at No.1 to include Jenny’s vocals and have Kerry taken out of the video – one wonders what she will do on stage.
And given some of her recent antics one wonders if she will even be able to turn up and just how the other girls will deal with her being the focus while they do all the work.
In other words: it just might be the best thing to happen in days!
(But not nearly as good as the Blue reunion which we haven’t even mentioned yet, but will once there are some actual details)
There's nothing like Toy Story. And there's nothing like realising the first Toy Story came out 14 years ago. Wow.
ANYWAY, as we patiently wait for the 2010 release date of the third in the series to roll around, here's a short (and official) reason why you should be excited about it:
I'm a bit concerned about the entire movie eventually being in 3D (cos EVERYTHING is in 3D at the moment) but if anyone can utilise that well it's Pixar.
So, general thoughts at this point are: squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I can't wait.
Also: I love Rex.
-- Carolyn Stewart There ain't no party like an S-Club party o'clock, May 30, 2009
They called it WHAT?! Sigh. Remember the good ol' days - such as, well, yesterday - when the word "bandit" referred to the bad guy with a moustache in a movie instead of a baby?
When I heard My Chemical Romance lead singer Gerard Way welcomed his poor, innocent baby into the world by naming it Bandit (it's a freaking GIRL baby, btw), I felt the need to hurt things. I eventually turned my anger into words and decided to list the:
TOP 5 baby names that surely count as abuse* * Not including old faves Audio Science (son of actress Shannyn Sossamon), Pilot Inspektor (son of unemployed scientologist Jason Lee) and Prince Michael II/Blanket (a boy fathered by Macaulay Culkin... *cough* sorry, I mean, Michael Jackson)
1. God’iss Love Stone (sprog of Lil Mo - who? Honestly, it's irrelevant right now but she had that "Superwoman" song) It's not right to name a pet or random goat God'iss Love Stone let alone a human being. Plus, I don't mean to be rude but since God'iss's eldest sister is named Heaven Love'on Stone - I'm not joking but oh how I wish I was - it's not like she was ever going to be named Sarah Jane, is it?
2. Peanut (sprog of General Hospital's Ingo Rademacher) "Comedian" Rove McManus once joked that in the wake of the advent of Apple (daughter o' Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin) that "peanut" was the only item on the planet that hadn't been used as a kid's name. Enter Ingo... Now, Ingo's girlfriend's name is Ehiku so between them you'd *think* they'd understand the hardship of being burdened with an unorthodox name but nooooo. Those clever clogs came up with Peanut Kai Rademacher for their only son, didn't they? Poor kid.
3. Levon (sprog of Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke) I don't hate it but is Levon really a name? Luckily it's become a name for a boy but it feels like a combo of two names but yet is somehow not quite a name. Am I wrong? Is he a wizard of some kind? I guess there was Levon Helm, right? Oh, and there was that Elton John song. Fine... but I still think it's not a real name cos nobody in my entire primary school was called Levon.
4. Tu (sprog of Numb3rs "star" Rob Morrow) Sure, Tu is not all that offensive a name for a little girl... UNLESS YOUR LAST NAME IS MORROW.
5. Moxie Crimefighter (sprog of Penn & Teller's Penn Jillette) To be fair, I'm torn between wondering if this is the worst name ever or, you know, is it the most AWEsome name of all time?? Actually, is now the time to admit that I would totally pay to see a movie if the lead character's name was Moxie Crimefighter? I'm not sure when else this would ever come up so let's assume yes.
-- Carolyn Stewart I *have* a gift-wrapping room o'clock, May 29, 2009
“You killed your daddy!” or: how NOT to reconcile with one’s daughter It isn’t news that Tori and Candy Spelling have been publicly bickering and privately ignoring one another for some time now.
First it was Candy not approving of Tori leaving first husband Charlie Shanian for Dean McDermott, then it was Candy throwing Tori a pittance of inheritance cash when family patriarch Aaron died, then it was Candy not visiting her grandson Liam, and then Tori neglecting to invite Candy to meet her daughter Stella when she was born.
Tori and hubby Dean: mother doesn't approve
While Candy insists she wants to make up with her daughter, and Tori stopped short of bad mouthing her mother and instead said she would like her to be a part of her grandchildren’s lives, today’s events would indicate that a family reunion will never, ever, ever happen.
It might have something to do with Candy announcing on US radio that Tori KILLED her father, TV producer legend Aaron.
“My daughter one day decided that she wasn't speaking to my husband, myself and my son, and that's how it's continued for the last, oh gosh, four or five years,” Candy blabbed on Springfield, Massachusetts radio station 94.7 WMAS.
“And it was sad, that's what killed my husband, actually. He just didn't want to live after that. He’d just done everything he could possibly do for his daughter, and she wanted no part of him once he couldn't do anything for her.”
This woman should be a diplomat or something. Or at very least Mother Of The Year!
Despite having all but called her daughter a murderer – for the record Aaron died following a stroke in 2006 aged 83 – Candy went on to say: “I've always been trying to work on the relationship. I don’t know what the anger is.”
SORRY?
The elephant in the room, and it’s a rather big elephant, is that during her husband’s last years Candy was “allegedly” having an affair with a house boyfamily friend named Mark Nathanson and Tori stopped talking to her in disgust.
While the affair has been widely reported in tabloids, Tori has only touched on the subject.
“I feel that at this point it’s all out there and it’s the truth. So what can they say now?” she writes in her book sTORI Telling. “That’s her truth to tell. I did resent it, but she was there for my dad. I did resent Mark’s relationship with our family. He’s no longer in our lives, including our mother’s.” So by Candy’s logic Tori not talking to the family sent Aaron over the edge, but her banging one of his friends while he was at home in bed under medical supervision was just fine and dandy?
LOGIC FAIL!
Now I obviously don’t know either woman, so any character assessment I make is based purely on how they appear in the media. But for mine Tori seems eccentric but sweet and well-meaning, and Candy seems like a BATSHIT CRAZY BITCH.
Tori, whatever you have to say on the subject now, I can’t wait to hear it.
Scott Keenan Which way to the gift wrap room o'clock?
Clarissa, Explain It All!* * And when you do could you please put more clothes on Fans of the formerly awesome Fame Tracker boards of yore would know that I (Caroline's Notebook) was no fan of Melissa Joan Hart. I may have even been banned for using the term "ummm" while in argument with someone I don't know over the very pressing matter of MJH's ugliness. Look, it's mainly to do with her wonky wall-eye, similarities to all the bad things about LeAnn Rimes and her weird hidden gum teeth. Anyway, in summary, the former Sabrina The Teenage Witchstar was essentially stung by a bee some years ago (ie. ate her weight in hot dogs) and now the cover of People mag tells us she was shocked into losing weight when she saw "a 'horrifying' photo (above)"... ummm, which of the horrifying photos (above) of her are they referring to exactly???
MJH in a bikini??? Just no, world. My eyes! My wonky eyes!
-- Carolyn Stewart, Black fingernails, red wine o'clock May 28, 2009
The new Ramsays are a joke A note before I begin: when it comes to Neighbours, I am a bit of a mental. After years of absence there are once again Ramsays in Ramsay Street. One of the show’s original families, and with awesome family members such as Madge, Charlene, Henry, Shane and Gemma, the Ramsays have not been seen since Henry moved to New Zealand and Gemma wandered off (by which time Madge was a Bishop). I should be over-joyed. I should be. But the minute I heard this new development a few months ago, I was horrified. The new Ramsay, you see, is Jill, the never-before-mentioned secret daughter of original character Max Ramsay and Anne Robinson, Paul’s mother, who died before the show began. Considering the family history, this is patently stupid. Between Max and his wife Maria and Anne and her husband Jim, the ’60s and ’70s must have been pretty much a non-stop orgy. When they weren’t in the delivery room, that is. You see, early on Max discovered his son Danny was the product of an affair Maria had, and a few years after that Jim found out he had sired secret son Glenn during the Vietnam war. Years after this Julie, Jim and Anne’s eldest daughter, discovered Jim wasn’t her dad and Anne had had an affair too. Meanwhile, Max and Anne also had an affair? NOT GOOD ENOUGH NEIGHBOURS.
Stefan Dennis can do no wrong
I am all for bringing back Ramsays, but to say this is stretching the friendship is putting it mildly. Rather than bring in, say, Shane or Henry Ramsay’s kids they have instead created an all-new mystery character and, to add insult to injury, she lasted ONE EPISODE before she was KILLED in a hit-and-run car accident. In fact her ONLY SCENE was seen in flashback! I’M FURIOUS. They create a new “legacy” character and THEN they completely rob us of the chance to get to know her? And why, if Maria and Jim knew nothing of Jill – which they clearly didn’t, because it would have come in handy in a few arguments – and she was adopted, did she have the Ramsay name? So now Jill is out of the picture, her three orphaned kids are set to move into Ramsay Street and get to know Uncle Paul. Mercifully, and this is the only plus so far, they seem to have hired good actors in the roles. But this whole incident has just exemplified all my complaints withNeighboursover the last few years. Namely, a blatant disregard for viewers and inability to handle storylines in a dramatic fashion. This is not to say Neighbours has jumped the shark – or at least I believe it can recover. After people pay some attention to what the hell they are doing. Neighbours used to rely quite heavily on humour – who could forget the magic of Joe Mangel or Clive Gibbons or Henry Ramsay or Melanie Pearson? – as well as the odd bit off heavy drama - like when Terri killed herself or Harold tried to choke Paul. Now sadly, they are doing what the producers insist are “character driven storylines”. I know the idea was to get away from melodrama, but unfortunately they seem to have gotten rid of the drama too. And “character driven storylines” doesn’t cover what was one of the most embarrassing moments in Neighbours history when last year’s season finale culminated in a rowing accident in which “rapids” upturned a canoe in calm water. Seriously, they didn’t even try to frame the (very very still) water out.
HELP! It's the killer Erinsborough rapids!!! (Yes, this is an ACTUAL SHOT from the show)
There was a time, not so long ago, when Neighbours was back on track, shortly after Paul Robinson returned and almost broke up Lil and David’s marriage and may-or-may-not-but-did kill someone in the Lassiter’s fire, and Izzy was having an affair with Karl and I couldn’t wait to watch every single night. But then in came new producers and out went anything interesting. 2007 brought a much-hyped “re-invention”, with promises of better storylines and soundtrack, heaps modern shooting styles and an upgrade to HD. The “reinvention” we were promised should now officially be recognized as a failure. The Parkers (or at very least the parents) must rank as the most boring Neighbours family since the Alessis. The storylines have gotten as dull as dishwater. Rather than the light and shade of the old days, everything now seems to be beige. Says the show's Executive Producer Susan Bower in an interview with Neighbours site The Perfect Blend, “I believe the teens' dialogue and storylines are more age appropriate and that the structure of each episode has more flow – like a movie. This helps the audience attach emotionally. Stories come from character rather than that being imposed on the character.” No. The teens are boring. They walk from one room to the next looking sullen. And while I will admit this is what real teenagers mainly do, I will not accept that it is even vaguely interesting television. The teen pregnancy story has been underplayed in a way that may be more realistic, but is also mind-numbing, while the Zeke storylines – him running away and having amnesia and then becoming a secret radio DJ on an internet pirate station that somehow everyone in Erinsborough listened to at all times – have been pathetic so as to be an embarrassment. Poor Matthew Werkmeister. Oh and get this: “The use of split-screens and music have helped modernise the show as well.”
Um, “modernise” with “split-screens”? That may be modern if it were the ’60s, but as we aren’t actually in the ’60s, are always cringe-worthy and take the viewer out of the moment (while they are trying to stifle embarrassed laughter). Neighbours ain’t a Tarantino movie, nor is it a Rock Hudson/Doris Day romcom. Split-screen has no place on Ramsay Street!
Now, thanks to Ten creating One HD, we can’t even get Neighbours in HD. Another fail!
At least they got rid of that bloody “One Good Reason” song they played in the coffee shop for an entire decade.
Good Neighbours: James Sorensen, Jane Hall and Ryan Maloney
Now, I don’t know Susan, and I could be completely wrong, but from reading this interview it seems to me that she had no real love for the show before she joined. She was a writer for the show in the '90s but then, worryingly, worked on season one of Sea Patrol and the only season of Canal Road. That's right, officially two of the most boring local shows of all time. Her tone reads of someone who is a little bit defensive and not very passionate. This upsets me, because Neighbours is actually a big part of my life and should be handled by somebody who cares for the characters and also has an interest in entertaining the show’s fans, and, of course, attracting new ones. The thing is, for the most part, I think the show has a fantastic cast. I like these characters. It's just they don't get to do anything interesting and no respect is paid to their pasts or futures (as we will discover further when a ridiculous death screens soon). A case in point; I have no idea what is going on with Tom Oliver, who plays Lou Carpenter, but Susan has obviously been watching another show. “Tom’s character has been given heaps of stories since Harold left. And there’s more to come,” she chirrups. How many is heaps? Because I can’t think of one. You mean when he stepped in dog poo out the front of Karl’s house?
Dear Freemantle, You make heaps of money from Neighbours, please fix it. When hiring, why not look for staff who have watched the show before? Ask them, for instance, if they know who Madge is, and if they give you a blank look and drivel about trying to make the show “more realistic” then it’s time to show them the door. Love Scott
Coming next time: My two cents on Home and Away, suddenly the most depressing show on TV
Aqua is back(ua)Hot on the heels of the LFO reunion, Danish popsters Aqua (who could forget the eternally annoying “Barbie Girl” or secretly a bit good “Doctor Jones”?) have reformed to record some new tracks for a forthcoming greatest hits album. The first single, “Back To The ’80s” is damn catchy. That said, it has what are possibly the WORST LYRICS EVER (When boys wore skinny leather ties / Like Don Johnson from Miami Vice / When M&M was just a snack / And Michael Jackson's skin was black / Back when the coolest thing in store / Was a Commodore 64) and reed-thin vocals from singer Lene Nystrøm. So no change there, then. The group say they are just doing the handful of new tracks for the greatest hits and then calling it a day. Which is what you say so you don’t look stupid if nobody cares. Let’s be honest, not many outside Denmark are likely to. As far as novelty acts go, Aqua squeezed out more hits than most - their performance in 1997 in the Aquashell (no, really) in Sydney’s Darling Harbour even saw (allegedly) 200,000 people turn up. As a follow up to their string of cheesy numbers they even went all serious with a hit ballad, “Turn Back Time”, as featured on the Sliding Doors soundtrack. And then, in 2000, they came back with “Cartoon Heroes” and nobody cared any more. Their return appearance at the Aquashell heralded an audience of approximately four people. I interviewed Lene on that trip and it is fair to say she hated me. It might be because I asked her about Brian McFadden (who she briefly dated). My bad!
Following in the LARGE footsteps of the likes of Take That, Boyzone and NKOTB, hideously ineffective boy band LFO, aka Lyte, Funky Ones, have reformed. Admittedly I liked their one super-small hit "Summer Girls" but really? A lot has change since they were, well, loitering on the bottom of the charts (New Kids on the Block had a bunch more hits) but they're coming back anyway.
How's it going to work though? What are they going to do at a show? Sing that one song 17 times? Will they still sing about Abercrombie & Fitch... a lot? A few blogs have cited their infamous lyric from that song - "Chinese food makes me sick" - as a highlight but I think that needlessly neglects the nuances to be found elsewhere in the song such as, "When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet/Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets" Come on! He says sonnet like "soRnet" so it rhymes. Gold, I tells ya.
Or how about the line, "Call you up but whats the use/I like Kevin Bacon, but I hate Footloose" AWEsome. But wait... who likes Kevin Bacon but hates Footloose? That's entirely ludicrous! Man, they don't write songs like that anymore. Well, they do but they're usually sung by Eminem. Still, LFO did actually have that other song called "Girl On TV" that they wrote about lead singer Rich Cronin's then-girlfriend Jennifer Love Hewitt and she even appeared in the video. Bet she regrets agreeing to that for so many, many reasons, including the fact that a couple of years ago Rich went around telling anyone who'd interview him that she was a complete tramp.
Anyway, this mid-to-low level band reformation is likely giving all the wrong people - like other semi-to-unsuccessful groups - big ideas. Will we be hearing from Marky Mark and his Funky Bunch? (Ahem, "Not a f**king chance," confirms the always-delightful Mark Wahlberg) How about O-Town? Dreamstreet? Ultimate Chaos? ("I am not your casanovaaa...")
While we're at it should solo artists get back in the game? How about Jennifer Love Hewitt recording a country album? Oh. Where will the madness end? Actually, while we're on the subject Madness should totally reform. Oh, they have. SEVERAL times.
-- Dude, You Gotta Start Running Your Press Releases Past Someone First * *Or "when bands that suck make my job too easy..."
While getting ready to record their upcoming album, newly reformed Creed - hmmm, who even knew or cared that they split or reformed? - has also been sorting out its US tour set list, with a repertoire that will reportedly include "all the Creed songs people want to hear."
So... that would be NONE of them then. Phew, glad that's settled. We get to not go to their concert. They get to stay at home and be silent. Everybody wins.
-- How To Save A Life
I'm not a Nine Inch Nails fan. At all. However, they just did the nicest thing that I think you can do as a celebrity/band/person. They've selflessly gone about (hopefully) saving someone's life.
Just last night, usually-infuriating lead singer Trent Raznor hopped on the band's official website and asked fans for help. Big help. Eric De La Cruz has had no assistance from the medical system in Nevada and is sadly in dire need of a life-saving $150,000 heart transplant. In return for donations of a significant sum to help Eric, Trent offered up backstage passes to some of their gigs.
Since then, Trent has updated his Twitter profile to let everyone know that their efforts have raised over $260,000:
I am truly blown away by the response to this: http://store.nin.com/helperic - we are over 260K in less than a day! THANK YOU #ERIC
Most excellent. Job well done, NIN. Spread the word that thems good peeps... whose music I refuse to listen to.
-- Happy birthday, Moz!
Morrissey is 50 today.
So, happy birthday to This Charming Man. And what's he doing to celebrate? Oh, playing a gig at the Apollo in his hometown of Manchester. It's his 50th birthday, man. Sigh. He's so freaking cool.
You have made the unbearable somehow more bearable many times over, sir. Thank you. We shall now all sing along in your honour to, erm, one of your songs that I heart:
-- Carolyn Stewart "Call me a fool but I know I'm not/I'm gonna stand out here on the mountain top" o'clock, May 22, 2009
When it comes to humour, I can be quite juvenile. And so Family Guy is right up my alley. I am therefore delighted that the show has been spun-off into The Cleveland Show, following Peter Griffin’s best friend Cleveland Brown as he remarries and moves to a new town and such. This means he won’t be on Family Guy any more. HUH? He’s only a cartoon; surely he can manage the time. Anyway, even though the show hasn’t aired in the US yet, Fox have already commissioned a second series. After all, if it doesn’t rate it is still likely to sell a shed load on DVD.
CougarTown
Back in the olden days, before Scrubs got renewed for an entirely unnecessary ninth season, Scrubs creator Bill Lawrence had announced he was running away to head up his new show CougarTown.
Starring Courteney Cox, the show is about an older woman who has sex with younger men. Or something. I like Courteney a lot, but I do wish the comedy wasn’t so, well, Scrubsy.
Anyway, have a look and see what you think...
Melrose Place
I have already said how excited/apprehensive I was about the new Melrose Place. Well, today I have had my first look (and you can too, after I stop banging on about it) and I am just as excited/apprehensive.
To call some of the acting wooden and dialogue stilted would be, well, entirely accurate. The building looks similar, but now has a fancy water feature. Oh, and there’s a dead body by the pool – so not much has changed there.
So click away for your first look at Laura Leighton, back from the dead as a no longer redheaded Sydney, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz as a now redhead and, most excitingly, Thomas Calabro!
Lucas as Boyle
Before Susan Boyle (finally) takes to the Britain’s Got Talent stage and either takes out the whole thing or is rather bad and becomes a footnote in youtube history, Heat magazine decided to have Little Britain star Matt Lucas dress up as the formerly bushy-browed Scottish chanteuse. Matt has always been a bit of a chameleon … but it must be said he has outdone himself on this one. Not even Susan herself looks like this any more!
Matt Lucas
Susan Boyle
Scott Keenan Pretend I posted this yesterday o'clock
I love celebrities. I love ads. When they come together, it's like hot coals in a fire. Ooh, baby. (OMG, speaking of which: how good was Stacey Q's "Two Of Hearts"??? I LOVED that song). Here's my top five celeb ads from recent times...
1. Alec Baldwin for Hulu Let's put it in the handbook so there's no confusion in the future: if you are a celebrity, *this* is how you do an ad.
2. Kylie Minogue for TOUS As if I'm going to have a list of things I like without Kylie on it. Don't you know me at all? This ad for the luxury Spanish brand is sooo fun and cute that it makes me want to rush out and buy the things they sell... whatever the hell they might be.
3. Brad Pitt for Edwin For sheer "this part is too fast, now this part is too slow... umm, what the hell is going on?" value, check out this ad for a Japanese jeans brand. I mainly like how Brad is all serious "act-or" these days but still finds the time to hock Rolex, coffee and jeans as long as it's in a country that's not his own. I'm sure he donates all the money to starving orphans and stuff but still...
4. Britney Spears for GG Tea I am so sorry but Brad Pitt has forced me to navigate away from current ads and into the challenging and distracting world of Japanese commercials. It's an absolute goldmine out there and this is my new favourite. Remember back when Britney could be bought? Oh, right, that's *still*.
5. Bruce Willis for Seagrams OK, fine, I've been tricked into looking at really, really old commercials now that I forgot about. This one is a doozy. It's so bad that it's actually awesome and I have to admit that I wish all ads were this fun. Since Bruno isn't doing much of anything right now, perhaps he should dedicate himself to ads like these full-time? Who wouldn't want to once again see him literally skip down a road in a white suit with a babe or two on each arm? Someone who is dead inside, I tell you.
-- Ponderland* * not by Russell Brand (who, incidentally, is about as funny as a hearty dose of swine flu)
In the five minutes I wasn't working today and was on the bus listening to an extended remix of Wang Chung's "Dance Hall Days", this is what I pondered:
#Paul Rudd's family's real last name is "Rudnitzky". From there, if I were to be honest, I made the mental leap to question if Australian PM Kevin Rudd could have a secret Rudnitzky past. Meanwhile, Jennifer Aniston's family's name is Anastassakis but her dad changed his name. Anyway, Paul and Jennifer not only starred in Friendsbut also the woeful The Object Of My Affection together. Do they still hang out? Did they ever secretly date? Either way, I think my point is why don't they go back to their family name? These days, the peeps cool with weird-sounding names, y'all. # Since I'd thought of Jennifer, I remembered that when she was married to Brad Pitt she changed her name legally to Jennifer Pitt. Now that's love. # From there it was a natural progression to let my mind drift to thoughts of George Clooney (as you do). If Georgie Boy is either of the rumours about him - gay or has 11 different secret children to different mothers holed up at his ranch in Spain - why wouldn't he just say so?
Then the bus came to my stop. I got off and I got rained on. The end.
-- From the vault
From today: it's The Killers and the video for the new single "The World We Live In"...
From yesteryear:I have to take you back to Stacey Q's 1986 *AWESOME* ditty "Two Of Hearts"... squeeeeee! So good. AND, believe it or not (I don't), wikipedia tells me that she has a new album called "Color Me Cinnamon" coming out this year. Ahahahahaha!
Brilliant. I totes owned that on cassette, dude.
-- Carolyn Stewart The best thing that happened to me today (until I remembered Stacey Q existed) was that I had a glass of apple & mango juice o'clock, May 19, 2009.
Jordin Sparks – “Battlefield” What do you do when it turns out you recorded your biggest ever hit with an alleged woman basher*? You record a song that is likely to be a much, much bigger hit of course!
And so Jordin Sparks has delivered the epic “Battlefield”. Already it is my favourite song of the year and in five short days I have managed to hammer it, according to iTunes, 27 times.
The song was written by Ryan Tedder, who since he struck gold with his band One Republic’s “Apologize” has become quite the hit maker. First was Leona Lewis’ omnipresent “Bleeding Love” and then there was the could-have-been-good-but-was-recorded-by-Beyoncé “Halo” (apparently she was going for “understated” on this one. I appreciate that, but surely you can be understated and in key?).
Not-so-subtly borrowing its title from Pat Benetar’s awesome “Love Is A Battlefield”, with production inspired by Jim Steinman and Mutt Lange, the song is a slow build of power drums and not many lyrics culminating in an amazing chant of “Better go and getcha armour”!
It’s melodramatic pop at its best, complete with amazingly ridiculous metaphors and OTT backing vocals – eat your heart out Bonnie Tyler!
No, they don’t make songs like this any more, kids. Aside from, you know, right now.
* Who could have dreamed when “No Air” was released that Chris Brown would “allegedly” try to choke someone?
a-ha – “Foot Of The Mountain”I love me some a-ha. And not in some retro “Ohmygod they’re playing ‘Take On Me’!” way (everybody knows “The Sun Always Shines On TV” is far superior, anyway), but in an, “Ohmygod they still make music that is so relevant to me in my hectic 2009-paced life” way. (Almost)
A-ha’s new single “Foot Of The Mountain”, their first material since 2005’s brilliant Analogue (which the warring members recorded in shifts so as to avoid one another), is more a-ha brilliance.
Proving that sometimes he is a very wise man indeed, Chris Martin has admitted that a-ha is to this day one of his biggest inspirations, and if you listen to Coldplay’s albums you can tell.
“I found myself in Amsterdam the other day and I put a-ha's first record on,” Chris tittered in 2005. “I just remembered how much I loved it. It's incredible songwriting. Everyone asks what inspired us, what we've been trying to steal from and what we listened to as we were growing up – the first band I ever loved was a-ha.”
But we shouldn’t hold this against the lovable Norweigan trio – they’re really quite awesome.
Oh look it's Chris and Mags doing "Hunting High And Low"!
Chris’s love of my Scandanavian pals has left me feeling all warm inside, so why don’t you go download Coldplay's new live album LeftRightLeftRightLeft for free from their website. Shyeah, it’s all legal and stuff!
Looking smugWhile we’re giving away albums (or linking to them, anyway) former Savage Gardener Darren Hayes and his collaborator Robert Conley (who has produced Axle Whitehead’s album and is half of Brian McFadden’s new duo Wall Of Soundz) have launched a side project called We Are Smug. Somewhat crazily they are giving away their album We Are Smug… for nix on their website! Think electro pop with kooky Hayes lyrics (and even a few Beach Boys-style harmonies). Think Darren's The Disassociatives. For free. Insanity!
NKOTB In Da HouseThe re-formed New Kids On The Block have announced they will be touring Australia in August, and to say I am piss my pants excited is a completely ridiculous understatement.
You better believe I will be Step By Steping and Hangin' Tough like a 12 year old. Damn I'm a big saddo.
I'm also quite a fan of their newest album The Block, even if some of their single choices have been deeply questionable - their song with New Edition "Full Service" is one of the best things ever recorded ever (or so says I).
Vale BudLast week we lost much-loved Australian acting icon Charles “Bud” Tingwell, star of films The Castle and Innocence, as well as classic TV shows like Neighbours and Homicide.
Of course one of his best roles was in The Late Show’s hilarious Charlie The Wonder Dog alongside the Pissweak Kids. Check it out and remember a true legend.
Eskimos: Joel Quartermain, Kav Temperley, Stu MacLeod
Posts
