Johnny Depp owns an island!

"No man is an island!" *

* But if you're Johnny Depp, you can just buy one.

The only thing I hate more than unfamous people (ie. reality contestants) is actual famous people who complain about being famous. Sure, it would be a pain to be followed around and stuff... but you get free stuff to make up for it so be quiet. Don't be famous if you don't want to be. I wouldn't want to have my picture taken while I'm eating, so that's why I'm not famous.

I also hate it when stars lie and say that true happiness can't be bought and all that. Hell, yes it can be bought. So, I'm pleased that my worship of Johnny Depp doesn't have to cease here and now because thankfully he understands how things work.

Sure, in his new interview for Vanity Fair's July issue he still prattles on about how ecentric he is (“What I love to do is paint people’s faces, y’know, their eyes. Because you want to find that emotion, see what’s going on behind their eyes.”) but at the core, he isn't going to lie about how rich he is. He says, "Money doesn’t buy you happiness, but it buys you a big enough yacht to sail right up to it.”

Thank you. Honest, to the point and way-true.

Meanwhile, I have to admit that I knew JD was "happy" but I didn't quite realise just how "happy" he is. Turns out he is actually 45-acre-private-Bahamian-island-"happy". He owns Little Hall’s Pond Cay, which is an island with six inidividual beaches on it.

He owns an island (how very Beatles of him!).

With SIX. BEACHES.

"[The island] is my decompression," explains Johnny. "It's my way of trying to return to normalcy.... Escapism is survival to me."

Riiiight. Anyway, just when you thought having an island to retreat to might tone down the crazy a notch (CLICK ON ME), JD goes on to reveal that he's named the six beaches. Oh no. Just stop. Please don't list them, Johnny... but no, he's actually saying what he's named the beaches. The six beaches on the island are named: Gonzo (after Hunter S. Thompson), Brando, after mentor Marlon Brando and Paradis, Lily Rose and Jack after girlfriend Vanessa and their two children. He has also named one of his snorkeling spots, "Heath's Place," after the late Heath Ledger.

What, no River Phoenix Cove? Basically only family members or the dead can get a name-check at Depp Island so I feel sad for old man River. On the up side, it's kinda lucky that Johnny got the island this century cos renaming a beach Wino Forever Shores after you'd already had the towels made up saying Winona Forever could be quite costly.

Mmm, all this talk has made me kinda want an island so it actually might be worth a couple of snaps of me with spinach in my teeth if this is the prize at the end of it, right?

PS: I love Johnny Depp more than is normal but that cover pic is the worst I've ever seen him look. He never ages and then all of a sudden he looks 157-years-old. Do Vanity Fair usually get their cover stars to stare directly at the sun during a shoot... after they've baked in that exact sun for seven weeks straight? Sigh. Oh, I guess the George-Hamilton-uber-tan could be one of the perils of island-ownership! Lucky I don't own an island, then - I didn't really meant that... just in case the lords o' island-giving-out are reading this.

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Carolyn Stewart
I want a Hemsworth for Christmas o'clock, June 2, 2009