Mel Gibson's girlfriend and more

The Five Most Bizarre Things That Happened In The Last 24 Hours*

*Janice Dickinson interviews and swine flu panic notwithstanding

1. Mel Gibson brings a date!
I don't get Mel Gibson anymore. I mean, what was his last actual good movie? Air America? I'm serious. Say what you will about Tom Cruise but boy knows how to make a movie (Helpful note: I don't acknowledge Mission: Impossible II or The Last Samurai and neither should you). So, these days when it comes to Mel, all I see is an anti-Semite, sexist pig who is a former big box office star that can't pick a box office winner to save his life. Then with the whole cheating thing - obviously I was as shocked as you were when that doozy came to light. No way! Not strict-Catholic Mel!

Then it just got worse. Questions arose as to which Russian chick named Oksana he was actually bedding (erm, all of them?). But today, Mel put all that scandal to rest by... rocking up to the Los Angeles premiere of X-Men Origins: Wolverine holding the hand of one Oksana Grigorieva. This Oksana is not to be confused with Russian nightclub lady Oksana Kolesnikova nor Russian pop tart Oksana Pochepa, who were both accused in the media of Mel shenanigans. How many Oksanas are there? One can only presume from this whole sorry fiasco that Oksana is the Russian-equivalent of being named Madison in the Western World. So hip. So now.

With Mel's long-suffering-yet-soon-to-be-wealthiest-women-in-the-universe-soon-to-be-ex-wife Robyn filing for divorce and about to take him for everything he's worth, you have to wonder if now really is the time to be publicly stepping out with his chick-on-the-side? I can only see value in this if Mel is trying to hide an even bigger story than the fact that he was cheating on his wife of 950 years. Is Oksana pregnant? Was he cheating with more than one person but he wants to make it look "better" like it was only one? Is Mel ever going to make another Mad Max? Only time will tell...

2. Natalie Portman has unexpected D-list friends!
During Lindsay Lohan's awkard appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show this week, the failed rehabber said that Natalie Portman had helped her through this really rough phase in her life. Really? Not only that, but Nat was also just spotted leaving the Tribeca Film Festival DirectTV lounge with... Hilary Duff. This is stunning to me. Natalie Portman is smart, has cred and just should generally know better. Girlfriend needs a better class of friend, right?

3. Sarah Jessica Parker is expecting twins!
Well, technically she's expecting someone else to have them for her. SJP and gay husband Matthew Broderick's twin baby girls will be delivered via a surrogate mother. The pair are said to be "overjoyed", which is code for "not divorcing for about two months."

4. Chuck Bass is weird...
I knew Gossip Girl's resident bad boy Ed Westwick was kinda kooky, talks to much about his music and has tattoos but I didn't know until now what they were of. I also didn't know about the sheer volume of tattoos he has until his new interview with Interview magazine came out. We're talking Johnny Depp levels of ink. He says his tattoos are mostly... song titles.

"I got “Heartbreak Hotel” tattooed on my chest. And I’ve got “21 Grams,” “Love Me Two Times,” the song by The Doors. I have “I Heart Romance” on my forearm and “You Make Me Feel Like The One” across my shoulder."

Woah there, Mister! I can only assume the last one is from "Dakota" by the Stereophonics but what the hell kind of song is "I Heart Romance"? Well, it isn't.

"I saw it in a bathroom stall in a bar in Brooklyn. I thought it was cool, so I got it," he says.

O....K.... then. Is he done with all the permanent art now? "No, no. Way more—they’re addictive. Get one. You’ll never look back. Live fast, die young. Be a good-looking corpse. Leave a good-looking tattoo." As much as I hate to point it out, as I really hope I'm wrong, but no good can ever come from saying a sentence like that no matter how cool you think it sounds, Ed.

5. Paris Hilton will win an award that wasn't a Razzie!
On the eve of the socialite-with-no-discernible-skills launching her ninth fragrance, Paris Hilton will pick up the Celebrity Award by The Fragrance Foundation at the 2009 FiFi Awards. Apparently this is less like the Ponds Institute than you'd think and more like the actual perfume industry but let's just backtrack a bit - she's onto her NINTH fragrance? Do people really need nine different ways to smell cheap? Crazy!

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Carolyn Stewart
I choose never to sleep o'clock, April 29, 2009